Almost just had another episode. I was doing the ironing and an icredible urge to hold it against my skin came over me... I've never self harmed[apart from the 3 times i have attempted suicide] before so why should it start now? I feel alone and confused. I have nothing. No one. My boyfriend is the only person who I know will never leave me- he says he understands but im not sure he does. I try to smile but it takes so much energy. When people ask me how i am doing and i tell them- they make me so angry- because all they ever say is " stop talking like that" its not my fault i feel the way i do is it? I feel like I have failed everyone. I think sometimes my partner is just here and still with me because he feels he has to be. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I attempted suicide on saturday.. and i dont want it again. I ran a bath a few hours ago and its still sitting full as i am too scared to get in it incase i just decide to go under. I am home alone for the first time in months, I said i would be ok and that he could trust me. But i dont think i am. I just cant let him know i am weak again. it will destroy him. I am so lost. I cant lose him he is my everything and my world. I dont want to feel like this but i dont know how to stop it. at least not long enough for him to get home. please someone help me.