I need someone to talk to

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whydontyouunderstand, Sep 2, 2006.

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  1. Hey guys. This is my first time here, and I thought I'd give it a try, and see if any of you can relate to my problems, and maybe someone has some advice for me. I am 21 years old. I have been married a little over 3 years now, and within the last few months my marriage has started to fail, and I feel like I am losing control of myself! There have been times, when an argument comes up, that out of frustration, I physically hurt myself (ie: cutting my face, pulling my hair etc). On many occasions I have thought about suicide. I feel lonely. I feel misunderstood. I have sisters I can talk to about my problems that I am having in my marriage, but my husband gets mad at me for sharing our personal lives with my family. Sometimes it just seems easier if I were dead. I wouldn't have to deal with all this pain and suffering anymore. But at the same time, I am afraid. I don't want to die, I just wish everything would just go away! I read a thread a few minutes ago about that person that is 21, and has no friends. Thats part of my problem as well.. I am a very beautiful girl, atleast I know that much, but I feel unworthy of having friends. Why don't people like me?
  2. Hey :hug:

    Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time at the moment. There are lots of people here that you can talk things through with. My PM box is open any time if you want to chat


  3. Tak

    Tak Active Member


    I can relate to you, my marriage has been falling apart for a couple of years, though he doesn't see it, and when we argue I go off and cut myself. Your lucky to have your sisters to talk to, I dont have any and my brother is too wrapped up in his own problems. Does your husband now that you self harm? I told mine, he was not happy and I promised I would stop, but things are still just as bad so I have started again and have to hide what I do. I feel the same that sometimes death would be alot easier than what I am going through, but to scared to die

    If you want to talk further then just PM me.

    Take care
  4. I left to go to my sisters, kinda to get away from the tension in the house. I let him know that I was leaving and what time he could expect me to be home. Before I got home, he left. He wouldn't answer his phone, he didn't leave a note.. Nothing. I began crying. He does this often. He leaves and doesnt come home until early morning. I have never actually cut myself with a knife before, but something made me do it! The crying wouldn't stop, so I decided since the emotional pain was so unbearable, I needed to do something to get my mind off of the emotional pain, so I cut myself. Not to kill myself, but I just wanted my attention somewhere other than what I was feeling inside. He does this a lot. He takes off and doesnt come home until 5 in the morning. I sent him a text message telling him that I was cutting myself, and I needed him home. He didnt respond until I sent him picture mail of what I was doing. He came home and belittled me. I guess its good that the knife I was using was extremely dull.. I was trying to cut the flesh to see blood, but the knife wouldnt allow me to. Now its swollen, red and white. Everytime I try to talk to him about what I am feeling, and my insecurities, he always gets on the defensive and blames me. He never actually listens to me to try and help. I do have my sisters to talk to, but I certainly do not want them to know that I cut myself tonight, nor do I want them to know the extent of my pain. Its hard to deal with being married to someone, and then all of a sudden them stop caring about you.
  5. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi, you have come to the right place to find people to listen and to care..
    I had an uncaring husband and years of mental abuse, I too had sisters I could talk to but like you I prefered to gloss over how bad I was really feeling, its not easy to admit the truth to your family, is it?
    Have you considered talking to your family doctor?

    Take Care Hazel x
  6. Tak

    Tak Active Member

    Hey Whydontyouunderstand

    I hope that you are feeling a little better, the swelling and redness should go down but it will be sore for a few days, I like that bit, it reminds you of what you have done. You say that he tries to blame you and doesn’t really help, maybe he is hurting to, don’t forget this might be a shock to him as well, to find out that you really are not happy and find causing pain to yourself a way out. But hun, cutting is no way out, it is just the start of more pain and anger, please try not to do it again.

    Your husband defiantly sounds uncaring if he is out to all hours with out letting you know, have you tried talking to him about it with out bring the self harm into account, or thought about a councillor, though sometimes things have gone way beyond that.

    I really feel for you at the moment cause as I said my marriage is breaking to, so if you do want to talk then please PM me.

    Take care
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I can understand your pain all too well. I am curious about other things your husband has done, to see if there is some sort of pattern here. I went through many years of abuse from mine and it began much the same way you are describing now. Cutting is not the answer. It may relieve the pain for awhile, but brings on more in the end. Do what you can to distract yourself when you feel the need to cut. It is so hard to stop once you have begun.As others have said, maybe you should seek out a counselor. Family members that you trust are a wonderful thing to have, but there are things we just don't feel okay sharing with them as you have already mentioned. A counselor can provide an outside view and help you deal with many of your feelings. Also maybe help you learn how to communicate with your husband about what is going on. I am thinking about you hun. Take care. :hug:
  8. cthulhu

    cthulhu Well-Known Member

    i sepnt 8 years with and 7 maried to a woman whom only pade lip service to my needs and illness, i was blamed for all my problems, if i SHed i was abusing her, if i yeeled i didnt have a resone to...when all was said and done i was left with a lot of usless and worthless posesion and one friend to help me put my life back together...i sacrificed my friends my wants my desires...al in the name of love, though i love her i will never alowe her o harm me again...and i strongly sugest you stop aloweing this to go on...by what ever meens nesisary...and no love is worth killing your soul for...take strength in those around you and put your ffot down, if he dosnt like it....you still have options...if you dont find any of this helpfull, just ignor it...i am a fool so it wount bother me...
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