I need the thoughts to stop

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chadaho, Mar 4, 2014.

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  1. Chadaho

    Chadaho Member

    I have struggled with problems for quite a while now. I try to stay busy but honestly I have zero motivation. I wish I could control my mind. The longer it wanders the worse it gets. I found myself looking for a practical way to end it last night. Luckily I am limited on resources. All firearms have been removed, my keys are monitored, and my pills are rationed. Living miserably is not a life. I am trying to take steps to live happily but it's not working. Some day when I slip I probably will find a way. Right now I'm not sure I want to die but I never know about later. I would prefer to live happily but that doesn't seem to be in the cards. I wish it was. Maybe moving to the west coast wasn't right for me. To be home in Minnesota with my friends would be great but not practical now. Every decision I make to try to improve the situation seems wrong. I miss my friends, I miss my home, I miss having a reason to smile. If everything happens for a reason, what reason could there be for me to be this way. I'd rather be dead than like this. Don't know how much longer I can resist the urge. Hopefully long enough.
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

  3. CassLA

    CassLA New Member

    I am also new to the west coast so I know the feeling. Are you having trouble making friends? One thing I am going to try is meetup.com. I am hoping to find a bowling group or a group about other similar interests to meet new like minded friends. Then that way if I make a few new friends then I can have someone to hang out with and have a good time with.

    I am sorry you are going through a hard time and I wish things can be different for all of us.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Would it be possible for you to move back to Minnesota in your future? Even if it's not something you can do now, a move back to where your friends are, could be something you work toward, something that could help to keep you going.
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