Truthfully, I will never know what it is like to an emotionally healthy person. My problem has its origin in my DNA, it's an inherited condition. It is beyond the reach of any existing psychiatric medications. Believe me I know this for a fact and the talk therapy offered by psychologists is even less effective. Since being alive is pretty much a guarantee of further misery that brings me back to my final solution...the answer that always lurks within my thoughts. Like many here, I look to death as my release, but I run into the normal fear of carrying it through to completion. It's an emotional reflex but it is a strong force to overcome. I will complete the act eventually..I will be forced to by my inabilty to cope with being alive. My fantasy, my dream would to be able to accomplish my release without having to experience all the emotional turmoil that one normally experiences at the moment of death. I have lived a life with unrelenting anxiety and fear, I simply wanted my last few moments of consciousness to be peaceful, just for once.