I need to be released

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by ProzacDeathWish, Feb 23, 2007.

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  1. Truthfully, I will never know what it is like to an emotionally healthy person. My problem has its origin in my DNA, it's an inherited condition. It is beyond the reach of any existing psychiatric medications. Believe me I know this for a fact and the talk therapy offered by psychologists is even less effective.

    Since being alive is pretty much a guarantee of further misery that brings me back to my final solution...the answer that always lurks within my thoughts.

    Like many here, I look to death as my release, but I run into the normal fear of carrying it through to completion. It's an emotional reflex but it is a strong
    force to overcome.

    I will complete the act eventually..I will be forced to by my inabilty to cope with being alive. My fantasy, my dream would to be able to accomplish my release without having to experience all the emotional turmoil that one normally experiences at the moment of death.

    I have lived a life with unrelenting anxiety and fear, I simply wanted my last few moments of consciousness to be peaceful, just for once.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2007
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :sad:
     
  3. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I know that you know you're not alone in your sufferings on this forum PDW. I'm also aware that's often scant consolation during dark times.

    Psych profession love Freuds psycho-analysis. Freud based his entire lifes work on the premise that the sole driving force of every human being is the sex impulse. With logic that twisted, it's no surprise psychologists are of limited help to us.

    The moment you feel peace, you won't want to die. Seek and you will find.
     
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I experience moments of Peace, but that's what they are: moments. Just once I'd like for a feeling of inner peace to last longer than a fleeting moment. Besides, the moment of inner peace gets stomped on by my feeling of inner conflict...:sad:

    least
     
  5. Hi Mike. Actually the first psychologist that I ever visited was recommended by my pastor. He was a Christian psychologist, a nice guy, who worked in conjunction with our church. We always ended our session with a prayer.

    The few other shrinks that I visited never employed any Freudian
    voo doo. I believe that psychoanalysis ( as envisioned by dear Dr. Sigmund ) is considered to be quite an antiquated and obselete theory and has been relegated to the trash bin along with other out-dated methods such as phrenology, ( reading the bumps on a person's head )

    I believe the reason that counseling ( be it from shrinks, pastors, strangers on the street, etc ) has failed to help me is because my mental illness is not based upon bad potty-training or not understanding my "inner-child". It is organic, genetically based and is therefore coded into my DNA.

    Many forms of mental illness ( schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, autism, even clinical
    depression ) frequently have their roots in a person's genetic predisposition.

    I unfortunately fall into this category.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2007
  6. I'm sorry that you are so frequently deprived of feeling peace.

    All people have ups and downs of course, but what matters to me is what emotion predominates ? Do you spend 90% of your life being depressed and anxious ? If that is the case then for me life begins to lose its value.

    I do not regard my life as having meaning simply because I exist. The quality of my life is the paramount issue. Nothing else matters to me.
     
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I believe my whole family is prone to severe depression, even tho only three of us are getting treatment (counseling and meds) for it. The rest of the family don't believe they have problems with it, or else blame circumstances and/or "mean people"...:blink:

    PDW, I wish, how I wish that you could find some relief in one the SSRI antidepressants. I've found such help in my zoloft aka sertraline hydrocloride and when I ran out a week ago I could tell a difference at the end of the week.:sad: I don't have any suggestions for you, sorry to say, only that I still have hope that you can have something of a 'normal, happy' life - I just believe that, even tho I don't know you hardly at all, and certainly not as well as you know yourself. I guess I believe it cause I WANT to believe it.

    I believe that a lot of mental/emotional illness has genetic roots, however, I think a lot of depression may also be circumstantial: ie; it would be a lot easier for me not to be so depressed if the circumstances of my life (financial, kids, etc) were not so overwhelmingly negative.:sad:

    Isn't there ANY antidepressant you can try? Or have you run the gamut of all of them - and there are a lot out there. Or are you just afraid to try yet another one and find it useless? I will keep you in my good thoughts.:smile:

    love and hugs,:hug:

    least
     

  8. Although I haven't tried each and every psychiatric medication know to man, I have tried many meds from all the existing categories, SSRI's, MAO's, etc.

    The last three I took were Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, and Emsam. Actually Emsam represents a new category of drug that primarily focuses upon levels of dopamine, as opposed to the others which focus upon
    serotonin and norapenepherin. I am what is referred to as "drug-resistant".
     
  9. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Well, I suppose if you're drug-resistant, you're drug-resistant... but please please don't be "hope-resistant".:smile:

    :hug:

    least

    can you try the ones you haven't yet tried? Wouldn't it be worth a try??
     
  10. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    My Mum and Dad both suffered with mental issues and depression for several years. My Mum is 100% well these days - she describes her transformation as a miracle performed by God. My Dad still battles with his issues.

    I'm a chip off the old DNA block. I think painful life experiences fan the flames of genetic predispositions of our kind. I don't drink alcohol, I eat healthily, I exercise regularly, I sleep well; Yet still I'm more than often down. At times, I do get crazily frustrated with my (mental) lot. When that happens, I go to bed, and hope I'll awake feeling different.

    I sometimes ponder whether any good comes out of consistently feeling rubbish.
     
  11. sorry_mozart

    sorry_mozart Well-Known Member

    Your depression may well have a genetic basis (I'm certain mine does), but that doesn't mean that medication is the only treatment (though you should keep trying with that - experiment with types and doses, and most importantly, give them time to work). The kinds of therapy that look for the emotional 'root causes' of your problem, such as Freudian psychoanalysis will, as you say, be useless for you. But there are other kinds of therapy that are focused on symptomatic relief and strategies for changing depressive thought patterns. I'm thinking of things like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It's kind of like physiotherapy for your mind - if you had a leg that kept getting injured because you walk funny, it wouldn't matter if your funny walk was due to a car crash or a genetic flaw, with the proper exercises and orthotics you could prevent the injury from recurring. The aim of CBT and therapies like that is to re-train those parts of your mind that have fallen into destructive patterns - for whatever reason. Like physiotherapy, it requires a lot of effort on your part to do the exercises - but it might be worth a shot?

    Good luck, and I hope you find your peace.
     
  12. Oh, I agree ! My father was a highly intelligent man, very moral, good provider for his family ( yearly, made up to a 100 K ) but was extremely intolerant of my human weakness. I joke with my mother that my dad would have made an excellent Spartan father.

    Sadly though my father, aged 72, was killed while riding his BMW motorcycle.
    Even though I was not close to my father, his death really affected me. Although I was filled with respect for my father I never expected to feel much loss at his passing. Instead I just broke down. It was horrible to see my dear father's casket being lowered into the ground and realizing that I will never see him again.

    It wasn't my loss that affected me so much, it was thinking about him.
    I simply felt so sorry for him. My poor daddy ! ( I'm actually crying again )
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2007
  13. Thank you.
     
  14. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Crying is good for you. Did you know that the chemical content of "sad" tears is different than that of 'regular' tears? Here's a quote for you that is one of my favorites, seeing that I'm an experienced cryer. "Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water." Christopher Morley, writer 1890 - 1957

    You go ahead and cry. That's the mark of a good, kind, sensitive man - the kind of man so many women are looking for.

    love,

    least
     
  15. Thanks least. I always value your approval :cheekkiss
     
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