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I need to come out to hard-core Christians.. help?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Toki Wartooth Lover, Jul 27, 2009.

  1. Toki Wartooth Lover

    Toki Wartooth Lover Well-Known Member

    I need help. My grandparents are HARD-CORE Christians. I mean like, you're-not-perfect-you're-going-to-hell.

    I need to tell them 2 things.

    1) I am a Nihilist. Not a Christian.(Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christians..) Nihilism is were you don't believe in anything, though, I consider my self to also be "Satanic". I mean, I've done so much stuff. I listen to the worst music. (fuck rap, metal all the way) And I just want to break it to the nicely.

    2) I also want to "come out" to them. Again, with them being hard-core Christians, this is going to be a challenge. I want to tell them that I am gay.. but honestly they'd kill me, bring me back to life, lecture me till I die, reincarnate me again then hack me to bits. I really need to tell them, because my girlfriend might be coming over soon.. and well... I want them to know.

    I don't know, should I tell them both at the same time, or that I am a Nihilist first or my sexuality first.. I'm so confused! Please help me. I need it... advice, stories. ANYTHING! I need it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2009
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi there ..
    i think th most important thing is that u be U .. its great that u want 2 be honest with ur grandparents .. its up 2 u if u tell them though .. mabye write all the pros and cons out on a piece of paper .. it might help u decide?
    im bi myself .. i only really have my brother .. who i told when i was seeing a girl ..
    he was ok with it .. but he wasnt christian or have any views on it really .. we arnt that close ..
    all im saying is think about it carefully b4 u say anything .. i know ppl who have been totally abandoned by being honest .. but also know ppl that have never been happier because they said the words 'im gay' 2 their family ..
    if u do want 2 tell them both things .. it might help if u take a friend with u ? or mabye some1 ur grandparents know .. that u cud tell 1st and thats fine with it ..
    im sorry if this doesnt help .. but i really hope things work out 4 u .. feel free 2 pm me anytime :hug:
  3. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    you are gay and you having a girlfriend? interesting heh :)
    anyways, i dont think it will make things any better if you will come out to them
    so you have to think, does the "coming out to your parents" worth the hell
    you will go threw because of it?
    if it worth it, then go ahead
    if not, then dont do anything stupid

    overall its all about which one is better from both options
  4. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Its not easy to come out to hard-core christians. Nor is it easy to tell them that you don't practice their religion. I went to a mostly-Christian university for a year, and I spoke my truth, and a lot of people definitely looked down on me for it. It was hard to make friends (of course there were other reasons too, like my social anxiety, but the fact that so many people judged me as bad and wrong made it a lot harder).

    I have a hard-core Christian friend though, he knows I don't believe in god, and yet he is still kind and accepting to me. He preaches all the time because in his mind its the only way to save me, but he doesn't take on a godly sort of role of judging and punishing me, ya know?

    I don't know the character of your grandparents, if they're really judgmental Christians, or simply believe that gays and nonbelievers will go to Hell, but choose to practice Christian kindness and goodwill. Either way, it could be different with family then it is coming out to someone else, because there's a stronger tie there.

    Maybe if they meet your girlfriend first, get to know and like her a bit, it will be easier for you two to spill the truth to them later on? Doing it together might give you more strength. And if they come to like her... well they might be a bit more accepting.

    It seems like maybe the most important thing is to get out your sexuality? You can tell them about your philosophy on life/religion any time you want, but if you're girlfriend will be visiting soon then its important you find out how to communicate that!

    I really think having someone with you when you speak up will help, whether its your girlfriend, family, or friend. It might give you some courage and help you get through their judgmental comments if they have any for you. They also might tone it down if she or someone else is there? This is all guesswork, I don't know your grandparents! But I know that when I told my family some personal things about me that they were really judgmental about, I took someone with me and they were a lot nicer than they usually are :p
  5. Toki Wartooth Lover

    Toki Wartooth Lover Well-Known Member

    Yes, my parents have told me that if I am not "normal" then they will abandon me. It's scary.. but I want to tell them.. I just don't know how...

    gay-lesbian, meh, they're the same to me..

    Well.. I want to tell them, but I know that I'll be in total hell if they know. I mean, My girlfriend doesn't know that my parents don't know, so I pretty much have to tell her that as well....

    It is hard to com out to hard core christans.. I mean, it took my uncles about 27 years to tell my grandparents that they aren't christians...

    I know what you mean but that, and I honestly think that all religions are wrong in a way.

    The characteristics of them are: do something wrong and we'll never let you live it down. I mean yes, they are good hearted, (when they aren't bitching at me.. which is like never..) but they can also be so demanding. I mean, every time they storm in the door, I get scared and hit the panic button on here.

    They actually accepting one of my friends is like trying to get a watermelon into a blender. Just... doesn't work very well...

    Like, I've talked to people at school about it and they all said "tell your parents" and stuff. So I'm really tempted to go and tell them. I just don't want to be beaten with a belt.. or.. something... My grandparents are very judgmental..
  6. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'm just waiting till mine die.

    Should only be a few more years.
  7. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    if was you id tell them my beliefs first. then their beliefs dont impact upon your actions. also if they are as extreme as you say, after youve denounced god, they probably wont care what you say. not advice im giving you, just my actions in that scenario.
  8. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Be strong Audrey:)

    If they love you, they will accept you.

    You know where to find me!

  9. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't tell the first part at all to be honest, it isn't something that's going to impact anything positively in the long run for them. My grandparents are also devout christians and every time I visit them I get a sermon, but I visit them all the same because they love the company and although they believe in different things, they're a sweet old couple. I know it's a form of deception but if it makes them happy then that's alright with me.

    Like somebody already said, after you tell them you don't believe in their god they probably aren't going to care what you have to say after. At the very least it wouldn't be the best time to come out of the closet on them. If I were in your shoes I'd let them know ahead of time I had news that they wouldn't like, that they would probably despise me for, and then I'd tell them. I guess it comes down to how many lies you can live with and who's happiness is your priority. Your sexual preference is something you should tell them but your belief system is a private thing, if it's going to wreck their world I really don't see a reason that they have to know.
  10. Toki Wartooth Lover

    Toki Wartooth Lover Well-Known Member

    I think that I might do the same

    That is true, knowing them, they wont really care what I have to say

    Thanks, but I don't think that they accept me at all.

    Like, I want to tell them about me and my girlfriend.. but they'll bit my head off.
  11. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    I know its really harsh, but you already know exactly what their reaction is going to be... so you should just tell them and get it over with already. You're going to have to bring your girlfriend over sometime, and what's the point of living in secrecy any more? I mean I came out and several of my large bones were broken by my parents, but through my concussion I was actually totally relieved. In that moment, I never felt so free in my entire life. If you don't have serious physical injury to worry about, I suggest you just DO it. Maybe today.
  12. Evixen

    Evixen SF Veteran

    I would tell them.. It's not always as bad as you think it will be. If you want to make it easier though, try going to an adult you know that you really trust, and maybe that adult can help you to tell them. It's worth a shot.
  13. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Look mate, I'm a dedicated christian, I love God and I want to become a pastor. What you need to understand is this.

    Homosexuality is not wrong. Its not. Leviticus 18.22 in the KJV blatantly says "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination". However, look at the context of the verse. At the time the law of Moses was written, the act of sodomy was associated with witchcraft. It was believed (and evidence of this is found in the writings of crowley as well as the nag hamaddi texts) that Sodomy was a high form of worship of minor false gods such as baal.

    In this context, the Bible does not condemn homosexuality, but the act of Sodomy.

    Now, I own about 8 Bibles, including the new life and living water translations, these have expanded the passage to include "homosexuality is an abomination" (NLV). This is blatantly incorrect, as the first english translated bible (translated directly from the latin in 1400's) condemns sodomy, not homosexuality.

    Now, chances are your Christian friends are like a lot of mine. Their beliefs are right, yours are wrong, and you're going to hell where there will be "wailing and gnashing of teeth" (gospel of Luke). The problem with this approach is that it ignores the very teachings of Jesus that your friends want to follow. Observe:

    1: The most obvious example of non judgement is when Jesus saves an adulterous woman from being stoned by writing in the sand. John 8:7. The American Standard Version puts it "But when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Basically he says you are all sinful, so don't judge others because you are full of sin. If your friends do this, they are ignoring one of the most obvious messages of the gospel of peace.

    2: Get them to read John 13:34 - 35. The God's Word translation puts it "34 “I’m giving you a new commandment: Love each other in the same way that I have loved you. 35 Everyone will know that you are my disciples because of your love for each other.”. Here we see Jesus telling us to not judge other people. The reason why we don't is because Jesus offered forgiveness to everyone, irrespective of who they were or what they did, he did not judge, but said to everyone "follow me". If your friends judge you because of a choice you make, they are breaking one of Jesus's direct commands.

    3: Colissians 3.13 says "Put up with each other, and forgive each other if anyone has a complaint. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Yes, God's word translation, its the Bible I had open, I'm not getting another out). In other words, if someone is doing something you don't agree with, God's word tells us to ignore it. If they don't do that, their ignoring the commandments of God.

    The new testament is ALL about acceptance, forgivness and tolerance. Look mate, What you want to do is up to you, I can't condemn you, judge you or tell you its right or wrong. All I can say is that, if your friends are true Christians, if they've heard the word of the most high and they understand it, they'll accept your lifestyle choice.

    God bless bro.
  14. Toki Wartooth Lover

    Toki Wartooth Lover Well-Known Member

    Yeah.. I think I might, though, if they ever get home...

    I told them that I was in a core-death metal band and they busted my guitar.. I Can only imagine what they'll do to me..

    See, my parents are like.. Really hard core. I can't talk to them without being criticized.. though, you're a christian and you don't seem to have a problem with homosexuality.. I don't know, I just think that they might think I'm a freaking demon possessed child and try to get my exorcised..
  15. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Why would any christian have a problem with you being gay? Exodus 3.14 (ASV) God says to Moses "I am who I am". We are modelled, the Bible says, in God's image. therefore "you are who you are". Even Thomas Aquinas (one of my heros) says something about it in Summa Theologica (but my copy is in my locker at work, I have swine flu and I'm not going into work to get it when I've been vomiting my spleen into a bucket half the day)

    Look mate, your parents should love you for who you are, not what their scewed view of God's word says you should be. If they don't, fuck them. The Bible says to love your mother and father, it doesnt say you have to agree with them, get on with them or even like them.
  16. Toki Wartooth Lover

    Toki Wartooth Lover Well-Known Member

    Maybe I should have been more clear in my description. I don't really have a mom or dad. I live with my grandparents and I know the bible says "I am whom I am". I mean, I'm having trouble accepting myself..
  17. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    you shouldnt worry so much about what they think. they live their lives according to a book. my honest advice is to live according to your heart. believe in yourself.
  18. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Hey Toki...I went through something like that when I told my aunt that I was bisexual. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. But jsut remember that no matter what their beliefs are, your their family and they will still love you. I would recommend that you tell them about your sexual orientation first and then when they are kind of used to that idea, bring up the religion thing. Good luck :biggrin:
  19. Toki Wartooth Lover

    Toki Wartooth Lover Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    Believe me they'll never want to call me "there child" again.. but thanks..
  20. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    I thought the same thing when I came out, Toki. But sometimes people will surprise you...not always...but sometimes :hug: