I try everyday all the time to find something to make me happy, I am successful some days. Like today, I got some very good grades. I felt like I was on the top of the world... Then a few simple words now I sit here staring at my bloody knife... I hate this, I don't want to feel anything anymore ! I just want a quick death. I haven't been able to relax for weeks, sleepless nights... Just ending it all is so tempting, I don't give a fuck about anyone besides my girlfriend... I love her so much, but because of my problems I am too fucking afraid to show it to anyone besides her... I know I am just going to end up hurting her... I don't want to feel like this anymore, just so sad for the simplest things, it triggers me... I have to cut... deeper and deeper, more blood the better. The red river of pleasure... I often cry myself to sleep, crying so hard that I just want to go get my knife and end my pathetic no-worth life... My girlfriend.., she'll get over me... I am only 15, soon 16 and I had it very bad for six years, six years of pain, six years of being suicidal. I just don't want to be on this fucking planet anymore ! KILL ME !