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I need to die but my family is holding me back

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tormented, Jan 2, 2010.

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  1. Tormented

    Tormented New Member

    I'm torturing myself by living, death is my only way out and I desperately need to end my suffering but I can't do it because of my parents, I live with them at home and I know my death would hurt them and because of them I'm sacrificing my need to end my suffering and I'm angry at them for holding me back.

    My situation is different then most people, some people seek suicide due to depression or chemical imbalance even though they have the potential to recover an the potential for their life to improve but that is not the case with me, my life will never improve and it will only continue to get worse, death is my only way out of this hell. I am stuck with a severe permanent physical disability that has no cure, and on top of that I was born with a horrible sexuality where I find myself attracted to younger guys of the same sex which has made life hell for me due to its unacceptable nature and I am even ashamed to talk to my parents about it and I wish desperately that I was normal.

    Both my disability and my sexuality has doomed me to a life of pain and isolation, I hate this lonely feeling and knowing that it will never go away or get any better. Then the physical disability took away my independence, my social life, my friends, my work and now I have nothing except a constant overwhelming painful emptiness.

    All I see is how amazing life is for those who have their health and a normal sexuality, the potential and opportunities that come with those two factors are limitless and I feel like I'm behind bars missing out on life and love.

    I take opiates to manage my chronic pain caused by my disability and lately Ive been trying to overdose but at the same time I keep falling short of success due to hesitating because of my parents, I just wish they weren't here so I could just end my suffering.

    I don't really know how its going to help me by talking here or what you guys can say to make it any better but I'm in so much pain I don't know what else to do. all I know is that every breath I take hurts and I desperately need it to stop.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2010
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I understand your pain and frankly am glad that you have family holding you back from taking your life. I know that your situation is complicated and I don't pretend to know how difficulty daily life must be for you but I am no stranger to pain and thoughts of suicide.
    I hope you find relief in talking with us and allow us to help support you and perhaps guide you to a path out of your pain.
    Have you considered professional help? It is no secret that those with chronic disabilities suffer concurrent depression so maybe your doctor can give you something to help with it..just a thought is all.
    Regardless we are here for you to hear you out, lend support and offer a caring hand to you as you battle your pain, both mental and physical.
    There is another site that has forums for people with disabilities called psychecentral and I highly recommend that site too.
    Well I hope to hear more from you and more about you...you are not alone my friend even though it feels very much like that I am sure.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Just wanted you to know that you're not alone. My PM box is always open if you feel like talking or need a friend.
  4. Tormented

    Tormented New Member

    Thank you both for your kind responses, it is evident that yous have a heart of gold and great at giving advice. Bambi I will follow through with the links you have provided, thank you so much.

    I haven't seeked help for depression because I never felt that depression was the primary issue here but more so a side effect caused by my problems, at the same time even if I took anti depressants it would not fix the the horrible life I have or the loneliness, anything positive I potentially felt from the medications would be just fake and temporary because at the end of the day lit would not change the horrible life I'm stuck with.

    Perhaps I'm wrong to draw conclusions without trying ?
  5. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    No, but the medication CAN help...you should seek someone to talk to about all this. A mental health professional would help you in dealing with everything you're going through. The meds are just there to stabilise your mood to make it easier for you. Talking helps a lot so stick around and post what you're feeling, members here are kind and supportive.
    We're all here for you :)
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I think it is worth trying I really do...for me the antidepessants make me feel like "me" if that makes sense. Now of course it is not going to change things drastically but it may and probably will change your outlook and thus your attitude or vice versa.
    See they are not "happy" pills if they were the US govenment would be spiking our water with it so we would all shut up about the state of the country and just walk around happy and stop complaining so it can not give you emotions you don't have inside but rather clears the way to feel the good feelings that you do have inside...is that going to be enough? Not sure but it is worth trying : = ]
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