I'm torturing myself by living, death is my only way out and I desperately need to end my suffering but I can't do it because of my parents, I live with them at home and I know my death would hurt them and because of them I'm sacrificing my need to end my suffering and I'm angry at them for holding me back. My situation is different then most people, some people seek suicide due to depression or chemical imbalance even though they have the potential to recover an the potential for their life to improve but that is not the case with me, my life will never improve and it will only continue to get worse, death is my only way out of this hell. I am stuck with a severe permanent physical disability that has no cure, and on top of that I was born with a horrible sexuality where I find myself attracted to younger guys of the same sex which has made life hell for me due to its unacceptable nature and I am even ashamed to talk to my parents about it and I wish desperately that I was normal. Both my disability and my sexuality has doomed me to a life of pain and isolation, I hate this lonely feeling and knowing that it will never go away or get any better. Then the physical disability took away my independence, my social life, my friends, my work and now I have nothing except a constant overwhelming painful emptiness. All I see is how amazing life is for those who have their health and a normal sexuality, the potential and opportunities that come with those two factors are limitless and I feel like I'm behind bars missing out on life and love. I take opiates to manage my chronic pain caused by my disability and lately Ive been trying to overdose but at the same time I keep falling short of success due to hesitating because of my parents, I just wish they weren't here so I could just end my suffering. I don't really know how its going to help me by talking here or what you guys can say to make it any better but I'm in so much pain I don't know what else to do. all I know is that every breath I take hurts and I desperately need it to stop.