no words... at my lowest... does ANYBODY care? No, I have hurt and chased everyone away. Everyone hates me for their own valid reasons... I know their feelings are valid, but still don't understand why... I retreat from people when I am at my lowest and don't want to trigger them, say something wrong, make things worse... and then I make things worse by retreating! So I am damned if I do and damned if I don't... then they think I don't care because I retreat!!! God I am a fucked up mess... can't stop shaking, crying and SF was my last place of safety, my last refuge where I could perhaps find acceptance, understanding! Now I can't even be here anymore cause I hurt people just by being on here. I don't have the freedom to drown my sorrows, to walk away... I'm trapped in this living hell up at 6am everday plastering a smile on my face, faking everything so that social services don't take my kids away... terrified that I'll ruin their lives too! I am so sorry to everyone I can't be here and if I have hurt you... words are not enough to say how sorry I am... I came here to SF cause I am fucked up and need help and now I need to leave. Sorry.