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I need to feel no more pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nicki, Dec 16, 2008.

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  1. Nicki

    Nicki Active Member

    I'm 32 i have very bad depression,,I cant cope any longer i just want the pain to go,, I have tried everything,,but cant shake myself anymore..I was very badly abused by both parents My mother if you can call her that used to use me as a bunch bag..And my father used to do things to me and make me watch things that still over twenty years later i cant forget,,,The only thing is that i have a lovely boyfriend who has been helping through it all...The thing that has sent me over the edge is that before i know we got together he went to thailand and slept with a thai bar girl..He told me that she was fat and ugly...That doesnt bother me..Its just that i knew he wasnt being straight with me...Then the other day he came home from work early to tell me for the past two years he had not been straight with me and the thai bar girl was SLIM and he hated what happended...
    The pain that i have inside me at the moment i fell sick all the time,,and so low that i haven't been able to eat right for almost three days now...I no longer know what to do anymore..the only thing that i do know is that,,i wish that i didn't have to go through this pain and flashback of my childhood..and now i have to put up with the things that the man that tells me he loves me has lied to me for almost two years.
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Niki, please stay strong.

    It must feel terrible to know that your loved one cheated on you. And it was very selfish to recently further articulate how the cheating went down. That was cruel and selfish because it hurt you and was designed to make him feel better, not you.

    So it's okay to be sad. And what your parents did sucked. Horribly. My own parents did a lot of messed up things with me as a kid.

    But as crappy as you feel, it's not your fault. Remember, it's the external events that are making you feel bad. These feelings are a result of something that happened to you not something that comes from you.

    Please don't submit to the bad feelings.

  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Everyone lies...did he tell you this so that you would not be in as much pain??? or is he hiding something from himself?? In either case, this is not worth your life, nor are the vestages of being abused (I know this first hand as my parents were quite literally monsters)...your past can be worked out...you future can be much better for it...big hugs, J
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Nicki,

    Welcome to SF.

    Have you been diagnosed with depression? If so, are you taking any medication, or in therapy? If not, please see your doctor.

    It's terrible that you have been treated so badly by the people you trusted the most. Are you still in a relationship with him? If so, you can do much better than him. You deserve to be treated with respect. Also, staying with him will have a huge affect on your self esteem and confidence and will only cause you to be more depressed.

    You aren't alone. We are here for you. I hope you make the right decision.

    Thinking of you,Lynn.
  5. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    We're all for you if you need us Nicki. I understand what you are going through and if ever need someone to talk to pm me =) I'm always around.

    Stay strong hun, there are always options. :hug:
  6. Nicki

    Nicki Active Member

    Thanks for your advice but this happened before we were together and he didn't cheat on me...It was what happened that upset me ..

    Thank you
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