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I need to forget someone or I may kill myself

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ShootMePlease, Jan 28, 2012.

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  1. ShootMePlease

    ShootMePlease New Member

    4 years ago I fell in love with a person Iv'e never even seen in real life.

    I wasn't particularly lonely back then. I lived pretty far from other people, but I did meet with others everyday at the school so I had my cup of socializing. Mostly my days were like this: wake up, go to school, get home, computer until midnight, repeat. Even so, I was already somewhat depressed back then and I would often weep myself to sleep. I knew something was missing from my life. Maybe it was a direction?

    Then I found her. One girl, from the depths of internet. She was intelligent, she was amazing, a person I greatly looked up upon. I had a crush on her.

    4 years later I'm not even sure if I love her.. more like dislike. We get in debates a lot and I tend to spot stupid mistakes in her logic. It's as if I've either grown up or her intelligence has dropped two levels. She makes me damn frustrated sometimes with her irrational and close-minded comments. She doesn't even have proper arguments sometimes and it pisses me off.. and then I realize what kind of monster Iv'e become. I'm a mess and I want to kill myself.

    Little background:
    I'm a pathological liar. (Since I was 8, I might have told over 25,000 lies.)
    I'm manipulative. (I use people for my own advantage. I've also been wondering if it'd be possible to use this "ability" to brainwash myself to become better person.)
    Friendzoned for 4 years.
    Computer addict.
    Studying philosophy. (I want to become a Maester of Philosophy.)
    Possibly bipolar. (I have weird mood swings.)
    Possibly sociopath. (I know it's wrong to lie, yet I still lie. However, I'm completely capable of feeling empathy, etc.)

    If I could just forget that one certain person or somehow get over her, it could be a big step towards being a better, more caring and kind person.

    I don't want pity, I just wanted to write something cause I'm feeling like a piece of shit.
  2. corbins

    corbins Member

    I have a friend in a similar situation, so I can see where you're coming from in a sense. He met her on an online game called Mabinogi. We all played it as a community and a family, rather than a video game. They met and loved each other for a while, but they started falling apart. He saw holes in her logic as well, and she became too clingy for him (or so that's what I gather from the situation).

    They started getting into fights on skype in front of everyone else in our group and he kept yelling at her. We were all sitting on the fence about what to do because we loved both of them but she recently broke up with him, so now we're all kinda... lost :\

    Alternatively, I find it very difficult to forget people that need to be forgotten >_< the fact that they need to be forgotten makes them memorable, it's a cruel little cycle :\ shoot me a message some time if you want to talk about it, I've got some irritatingly deep experience with this kind of thing :\ It's the topic that inspired my first attempt :(
  3. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    When you meet someone online, you often end up filling in the details of what you don't know about a person based on what you hope they're like. If you find that you have a few things in common, you immediately start idealizing the person and ignore the things about them that you probably would have noticed if you weren't feeling all romantic. When you realize that it probably isn't going to go anywhere, you start noticing the things about them that you don't like, and start writing off the things that you do, even though nothing has really changed.

    I got that from that however-many Days of Summer movie.
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