I need to get better.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by hexagon sun, Aug 9, 2009.

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  1. hexagon sun

    hexagon sun New Member

    Hi, I'm 22 years old and first started thinking about suicide when I was 11. I've always felt "different" from everyone else and that I'm somehow undeserving of a happy normal life, even though my rational mind tells me this isn't true.

    I think depression runs in my family as my father and grandfather had some serious anger issues and alcoholism to go with it. I never really trusted my dad since he could be okay one minute, but cruel and sadistic another, and I was always worried about setting him off. I haven't talked to him in 3 years, since my parents got divorced. It's been a big weight off my shoulders, not having to worry about him, and I don't miss him at all to be honest. I have a hard time making friends and relating to people, since I don't trust them much. I have a good group of friends now, and i worry about how they would react if I killed myself.

    I still think about killing myself almost every day because I feel like I'll never be happy again and things will only become more complicated and painful for me.
     
  2. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    welcome to sf :)
     
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.

    :hug: xx
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. Sorry to hear about the things in your childhood. Sounds like you did a good thing by getting away from your dad. Glad you could join us here. i hope we are able to give you a bit of support. :shake:
     
  5. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hi :hug: welcome to sf!
    if you ever need anything, i'm always here :heart:
    triggs xx
     
  6. emptyinside08

    emptyinside08 Member

    i'm going to try to be on here at least once a week and most of the time its going to be more than that. i have learned that the thoughts don't just affect you. the thoughts too affect your friends around you in ways that you can't imagine. the thoughts have pushed my friends away from me. they won't answer phones. barely answer texts anymore. i, like everyone else on here, want my life back. i need help too and hope we can help each other.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to sf :hug:
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome i hope we can help. I hope also you are getting professional help for your depression coucilling one on one and medication both together seem to work the best. See ya around forum
     
  9. hexagon sun

    hexagon sun New Member

    Yeah, I've tried two different SSRI's, one of them didn't work out so well and the other had sexual side effects, so I stopped taking it 4 months ago. Now I see the difference it makes, but I was hoping regular exercise would help but so far not so much.

    I've seen a counselor a few times, but they didn't tell me anything I didn't already know and I couldn't waste any more of my money. Maybe talking regularly with people who go through the same things as me will help me more?
     
  10. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    i hope sf does help you hun :) we're a lovely bunch of people xx
     
  11. __Rawr.Tigga

    __Rawr.Tigga Well-Known Member

    Heyy hun.

    Hope you can find the support you need here, we will do what we can to help you :hug:
     
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