Hi, I'm 22 years old and first started thinking about suicide when I was 11. I've always felt "different" from everyone else and that I'm somehow undeserving of a happy normal life, even though my rational mind tells me this isn't true. I think depression runs in my family as my father and grandfather had some serious anger issues and alcoholism to go with it. I never really trusted my dad since he could be okay one minute, but cruel and sadistic another, and I was always worried about setting him off. I haven't talked to him in 3 years, since my parents got divorced. It's been a big weight off my shoulders, not having to worry about him, and I don't miss him at all to be honest. I have a hard time making friends and relating to people, since I don't trust them much. I have a good group of friends now, and i worry about how they would react if I killed myself. I still think about killing myself almost every day because I feel like I'll never be happy again and things will only become more complicated and painful for me.