I need to get out

[under1]

I am not sure quite where this thread should be posted but...
This week I have been going through a kind of mental breakdown. I cut pretty deep and I have been crying for hours every day. I have been planning how I am going to kill myself and Ive decided a 'deadline'. My mental health I'm finding is slowly declining, ive been going through some really weird things in my mind recently.
People might try and dissuade me from killing myself but my problem is that I cant go back to reality, I cant continue school, I cant be around these people anymore. If I live any longer I will have to go back to all of this. It sounds weak but at school I get the most depressed, every lesson I think about suicide and I get extremely angry, anxious and miserable inside. I just cant deal with it, it makes me feel horrible. Everyone hates school, I know, but I think that it does not help my current situation. Also my mum doesnt take me very seriously. She found out I cut and got a bit scared but now she thinks it was just me being silly and she thinks it should be easy to give up. Whenever I get depressed and burst into tears screaming about how I hate this she later says: "Oh, it must be your hormones" or "Its because youre tired" etc. She constantly throws her opinion of "Think of whats going on now and deal with that" but she doesnt get that I literally cant think like that and I cant live along with her ideals.
How do I tell her that what I'm going through is quite serious and I feel cant return to school/reality. In all honesty I think I need to be institutionalised.
Thanks.

 

[may71]

sorry that this is going on.

I think that it's common for people, parents especially, to pretend that nothing is wrong, just because that is easier.

maybe you could call a suicide hotline, and then ask them to talk to your mom

I think that if you saw a therapist, they might be able to impress the seriousness of the situation on your mom

if school is making you suicidal, I think that you could get out of it. either something formal, like a medical excuse, or just not going

 

[total eclipse]

Hi hun time to talk to school councillor okay let them know how deep your sadness is hun. Talk to your GP even and get your doctor to put you in hospital until you are more stable. Write a letter to your mom put down all the pain you are feeling and in letter ask her to get you help okay hugs

 

[clairedelune]

I exactly know how you feel. Sometimes, even the people who we know love us, tend to put themselves in a denial state because they actually don't want those things happening to us. But, I'm sure you're mom is already considering what you're going through. It might actually take time for her to understand all this but I guess it should be proper to talk to someone whom you can trust and at the same time understand you before all these get worse. :hug:

 

[under1]

Thanks for the words guys. I guess most parents dont want to accept that their kid isn't the perfect, happy, social child they hoped for. I went to my GP, they said they were going to write to CAMHS. No reply yet. I don't think I'll manage to kill myself before my 'deadline', I dont want to live any longer but I am afraid of the pain. Coward. If only dying were easier.
As for school I think I'll just skip it. My parents will get pissed off at me but I don't care anymore, I am fed up of playing along with a system I no longer believe in. I'd rather get shouted at than have to go through 7 hours of brooding and suicidal thoughts. I have a feeling soon I'll just snap.
I remember last time I almost went over the edge I just sat there crying and randomly laughing for no reason at occasional intervals. It felt so weird, I wasn't in control of how I felt or what I was doing. Horrible.

 

[Chronny Depp]

I've been there, laughing and crying on the floor. It is terrible. I suggest that after school you go for a walk through a forest. It's always very calming and very bliss and peaceful. Hopefully this will make your day a little better and you won't think about escaping as much

^^ Stay Strong!

 

[clairedelune]

Do what you think would be right for you. Everything will turn out better than you think. :hug: