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I need to get this out. Thank you.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ShoegazeDaydream, Apr 22, 2016.

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  1. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Something I learned about my mother. When my mother was growing up she told me how her parents abused her. How her father bullied her and talked down to her and how her own mother ignored her half the time. Through growing up my mother had problems with my grandmother and now I know why, but once she was dying she cried and was always by her bed side. She's still having a hard time letting her go. I had a really hard time seeing my grandmother that way, not cause I didn't care but cause I have a hard time dealing with death. I did visit her though and ask her how she was and held her hand and watched TV with her. I analyzed things a lot. The things I picked up about my mother and what the way she treats me goes back to the way she was younger. All the abuse she has experienced when she was younger, she takes it out on me now and loves my two brothers more than me. The pattern is repeating itself. There's times where I even hear her talk badly about her two brothers and I feel this resentment towards my own two brothers cause they're assholes towards me and ignore me. We all don't talk to one another, it's as if each one of us is against each other. I'm not fighting for my mother's attention anymore. Whenever she's mean to me or says anything negative I usually walk away or take a walk to be alone. My mother needs help and to talk about what's troubling her due to her past and her need to control every little thing. She needs everything to be perfect, if one thing goes wrong, she flips out. My mother can't handle mess at all. My mother also likes to avoid things. Everything has to be perfect, organized and neat. My mother can never relax or laugh. She puts all her stress on me and yells at me and says harsh things to me. She was planning on visiting Maryland and she doesn't want to take me with her cause she fears I might embarrass her or she doesn't want her side of the family knowing about my "mental problems." I'm in therapy right now. I see what's going on and I've been seeing this for awhile now. Right now I'm dealing with PTSD due to the abuse of my ex boyfriend and her negativity isn't honestly helping me at all, so now I try to avoid her as much as I can. Just wondered if anyone can relate to me about this. Thanks for listening.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just sending a hug, and letting you know I read your post and care.
  3. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    You seem to be going through a rough time, both you and your family. Do you ever tell your mother how you feel?
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I can sort of relate to this. My mother also has a mother who didn't pay that much attention to her. And my mom also takes it out on me.
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this hun!

    A lot of times the abuse is inherited, sadly. Especially if the person has not had help. But hun, use this information as a strength rather than a weakness. It is not your fault, it's unlucky that you're caught in this situation, but you realizing this vicious cycle, you have a chance to break it.

    In a way for me realizing my mothers own childhood has helped me a little... I still 'grieve' how she ruined my childhood... but I'm working on that in therapy. My mothers father favoured her sister, and barely even took time for her... and her mother was forced to follow along with her husband. I think it had a massive effect on her. My mum was forced to figure things out on her own, and I think it left her emotionally impaired... so when she had to raise a girl alone, who was so full of emotions she had to beat it out of me, to toughen me up... My mum still genuinely thinks she did an awesome job of raising me.
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