Something I learned about my mother. When my mother was growing up she told me how her parents abused her. How her father bullied her and talked down to her and how her own mother ignored her half the time. Through growing up my mother had problems with my grandmother and now I know why, but once she was dying she cried and was always by her bed side. She's still having a hard time letting her go. I had a really hard time seeing my grandmother that way, not cause I didn't care but cause I have a hard time dealing with death. I did visit her though and ask her how she was and held her hand and watched TV with her. I analyzed things a lot. The things I picked up about my mother and what the way she treats me goes back to the way she was younger. All the abuse she has experienced when she was younger, she takes it out on me now and loves my two brothers more than me. The pattern is repeating itself. There's times where I even hear her talk badly about her two brothers and I feel this resentment towards my own two brothers cause they're assholes towards me and ignore me. We all don't talk to one another, it's as if each one of us is against each other. I'm not fighting for my mother's attention anymore. Whenever she's mean to me or says anything negative I usually walk away or take a walk to be alone. My mother needs help and to talk about what's troubling her due to her past and her need to control every little thing. She needs everything to be perfect, if one thing goes wrong, she flips out. My mother can't handle mess at all. My mother also likes to avoid things. Everything has to be perfect, organized and neat. My mother can never relax or laugh. She puts all her stress on me and yells at me and says harsh things to me. She was planning on visiting Maryland and she doesn't want to take me with her cause she fears I might embarrass her or she doesn't want her side of the family knowing about my "mental problems." I'm in therapy right now. I see what's going on and I've been seeing this for awhile now. Right now I'm dealing with PTSD due to the abuse of my ex boyfriend and her negativity isn't honestly helping me at all, so now I try to avoid her as much as I can. Just wondered if anyone can relate to me about this. Thanks for listening.