I need to hurt...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Xistence, Apr 3, 2008.

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  1. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    There is this girl that I love more than anything. Not really in a romantic way, but in more of a really close friend way..

    but I keep getting the feeling that she could never love me back..

    she says she does.. but I just don't think anyone could really love me.. :sad:

    I need to cut so bad..
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    :hug: i'm sorry.
    nearly everyone has this feeling at some point of their life....it's horrible.
    but from what i've read of your posts....i don't think you're unloveable. you just don't like yourself very much. but remember that if you've got depression your view towards yourself is all warped....and everyone is so much harder on themselves.
    if she says she does....you're so lucky! to have someone who loves and understands you is the best thing ever. but it's hard to fully appreciate it when you don't love or even like yourself :sad:
    just don't cut yourself. what good will that do? it won't change the situation. if anything you'll just hate yourself more. i know cause when i cut the release is only temporary but then all the terrible, oppressing feelings come flooding back and you've got a big nasty scar on your arm.
  3. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    it is the only way to punish myself for being unlovable.. nobody can possibly care about me.. :cry:
  4. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    well she says she loves you....don't you trust her? why would she lie? if she didn't care about you she wouldn't bother her time talking to you, hanging around with you, listening to you, telling you that she loves you.
    she does care about you. you're not unloveable. it's amazing to have a friend like that. i wish i did.

    just don't cut, please......it's just not the solution, you'll just feel worse, believe me.

    why do you hate yourself? did something happen to you? did you do something bad? don't say if you don't want to.
  5. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I'm just shy and basically invisible it seems..

    I don't know why I hate myself so much.. :sad:

    The depression never goes away..

    sorry... I shouldn't be bothering people..
  6. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    hey, no you're not bothering anyone. this is what this place is for. for getting help. never think that.

    have you tried getting help for your depression?
  7. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I take meds, I'm getting a counselor, and I have been hospitalized for suicidal thoughts.

    She was basically begging me not to cut.. :cry: she does care... if only the depression didn't twist everything around... :sad:

    I wish she didn't live so far away.. I want to be able to give her a hug.. to actually talk to her face to face.. :sad:
  8. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    :hug: so you know really....that you are able to be loved. and at least you have something to keep you going, the next time you'll see her, or the next time you can talk to her.
    just remember that you have an illness that IS treatable. you can get better.
    :hug::hug::hug: i really mean it, i'd give you one if i was with you.
  9. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    Sometimes.. it really sucks to become really close to people you meet online... :sad: It is the only time I have been able to open up.. but it will be forever before I can meet her.. :sad: At least I can still talk to her on MSN. :smile:

    thank you for talking to me

    I didn't cut. I'm feeling better now.
  10. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    bleh... I'm so depressed and lonely right now..

    I think I forgot to take my meds tonight.

    I can't stop thinking about that razor blade..
  11. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Depression convinces us of so many nasty things and it makes it hard to believe anyone could love us. I have someone in my life whom I love with all my heart and they find it hard to believe I truly love them. I find it impossible to believe anyone would love me also. It's very difficult to accept that. The fear just takes over. But the truth is, I suppose for me also, that we are able to be loved and perhaps there is someone for everyone out there but sometimes they are just hard to find or too frightened of each other.
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