I need to kill myself.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Downpour, Mar 28, 2015.

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  1. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    I don't know why I even post here. I guess I'm grasping for straws, hoping something will help somehow. I've gotten in another fight with my husband. He pissed me off, but I probably overreacted. Now everything is broken. I doubt it can be fixed without me groveling and begging for forgiveness at his feet. He's such an ass. I need to kill myself. I'm in so much pain. I need this pain to end. I can't do it anymore. My daughter witnessed the fight. She doesn't deserve that kind of life. She deserves a better mother. She deserves a better life, a life that I can't give her. I can't bear this pain anymore.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Time for both you and your husband to get marriage counselling show your child that when things get rough there are solutions way to fix things don't teach her the only way out is suicide
     
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Domestic abuse is not nice especially when children witness this. You need to stay strong for yourself. You a worthy person and please do not think anything different. You need to preserve yourself from doing anything harmful. If you think the relationship is harmful to your well being then you need to look going to a women's refuge when your safety is paramount.
    Life is important as your daughter would truly miss you.
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Are you still upset about the fight that happened? My question is if you didnt get into the fight would you still feel this way you are now?
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am unsure I can track with "I doubt it can be fixed without me groveling and begging for forgiveness at his feet. He's such an ass. I need to kill myself." It sounds much more to me like the obvious simple answer that preserves your sanity and is most beneficial to your daughter is taking an honest look at your marriage and decide whether to fix it or leave the marriage-- both very viable options for every person in the western world. What you do not have to do is stay in a situation that brings that much pain and unhappiness- either change the situation or if that is not possible or not worth it to you then change the situation so that you can find happiness and still be there for your daughter as she grows up. If you cannot figure out the whats and hows or even which is a better option for you then get help from womens organizations and charities in your area or from a marriage counselor (with or without your husband), most of whom these days are very open to the possibility that many times things can be fixed and many times they cannot in which case they assist with keeping the separation or divorce from being excessively painful or damaging. There is nothing that any of those options would do to you or your daughter that are not much much worse by choosing suicide .... So please look at a way to end the pain and unhappiness, not your ending your life.
     
  6. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies. I think she would miss me maybe. That's really the only thing that's keeping me here, that I think she loves me. My husband is out until late tonight, so I'll have a break from all that, but I feel so guilty. I'm a bad wife apparently. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did to the things he said. I don't deserve to live. I have tried everything and nothing can fix me. He's going to threaten divorce when he starts talking to me again. It's going to put me through hell when he does that. I don't know if I can bear it anymore. I don't deserve to live. I reached out to a church because it's the only thing I haven't really tried recently. Maybe religion has an answer. I'm so desperate.
     
  7. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    Is response to NYJmpMaster, divorce and separation have been suggested by many people. But it's very complicated. He would do everything to keep me away from my daughter. And since she's my only reason for living, that would only make things worse for me. I would officially have zero reasons for living. Counselling might help, but our insurance doesn't cover it (I just found that out yesterday) and I don't know if he'd go for it. Right now, I just need to stay alive through the weekend. I feel trapped. I know, you're all thinking "just leave him", but it's so hard and so complicated. I do love him, I think. And I can't risk losing my daughter.
     
  8. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm still upset because I'm going to be punished for it for who knows how long. And I'm always somewhat suicidal. I think about it everyday, have a plan, and so on. I wouldn't be in a crisis without the fight, but I would still be close to the edge.
     
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