I need to know/I'm so pathetic

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by notmyrealname, May 25, 2008.

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  1. notmyrealname

    notmyrealname Well-Known Member

    Couldn't decide on a title.

    I told myself that I wouldn't cut myself anymore. That it would be too noticeable. But tonight I couldn't stop myself. I knew I couldn't cut myself on the shoulders because eventually it would be found out. So I started cutting my thigh. Felt just as good, more so even. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm lost. I'm such a piece of shit as a human. I want to cry, but nothing comes out. So fucking empty.

    I've recently discovered that a girl I was good friends with and went to school with many, many, many years ago is still around and living close to where I am. I need to know, for those of you that did tell somebody about it voluntarily. Did it help? Did it make the pain of living any easier to bear? Did it bring you any stability? This may not be a exclamation mark worthy post but I have a very short time to decide whether or not to get in contact with this person. Please, I need to know because I don't know how much longer I can last like this and I know I have to keep myself together long enough for......something better.

    I'm sorry.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have told one friend, plus my therapist and the psych team. my friend was very supportive, but even her knowing didn't help me stop. for me, it's a coping strategy, albeit a "maladaptive" one as they like to say. as i deal with my problems, the need to cut is reduced. if you think of the reasons why you cut, then maybe that will help you decide about telling your friend. but i think it's too much to expect that telling aone will lead you to stop.

    would you get in touch with her anyhow, even if you didn't want to tell her straight away? it sounds like you used to be close. i'm sure she'd want you to be in touch.
     
  3. notmyrealname

    notmyrealname Well-Known Member

    No, I probably wouldn't. We were close then, yes. But people change, I know her only from memory. Now she would not be the same person. So I don't really know her anymore. She has friends now anyway, several and is happy(or looks like it) with her life. She doesn't need some guy she only half remembers from elementary getting in contact with her after almost 20 years and telling her all of this. Besides, there's always the chance that she'd find a way to contact all the people I'm trying to hide this from and that would make things difficult.
     
  4. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Maybe you could make the first step and get in touch just to make friends and see what happens from there?
    maybe not tell her straight away but try and build the friendship and see how it goes. You might find she has changed too much, but you could also find an amazing support
     
  5. whysmile

    whysmile Member

    id tell some1 closer to u. some1 when they ask why u can open up and tell everything. u dont want to be hurt more. look aound and see if u have any1 that u could tell them about it. and than tell that person if there is no one try to at least start to build that with ur old friend.
     
  6. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    ive told to people close to me, but eventually you`ll feel hunted. It didnt help to stop, but it did to get rid of it sometimes. It is not something easy to talk about, and if i were you i`d wait untill i feel close again to that person. She eventually will see your scars, if she cares she will ask :)
     
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