i need to know

[starryeyed]

Im going crazy.
I know I have some symptoms of mental illness,but to be fair ,I dont know how anyone could cope with the life I have had.
I need to know and I want the truth here .I need to know IS it normal to walk down the street and everyone you know to ignore you.EVERYONE.
the only time people speak to me is if I go up to their face and talk and you can see how uncomfortable they are right off.
I know my life isnt normal.I havent ONE friend.I have no boyf.
I meet guys and they seem to like me then I never hear from them again.And no I dont sleep with them either.
NOBODY comes near me.I know for sure that isnt normal .seriously.
People say to me its in my head.Im getting well pssd off with this.How can having no friends be in my head ?I go everywhere alone .I have never had a birthday party .Every year Im in my room alone crying.
My family are violent and abusive yet no one seems to believe me and just say oh youre imagining it.
Im not stupid to believe this excuse anymore.Its the same excuses from the doctors and I used to listen but how can having no friends and complete starngers coming up to me saying oh you have no friends be in my head?
I wonder what is wrong with me .I can hear people talkign about me and Im not imaginging it .Seriously .One guy in the chipper called me a c*nt and I had never seen him before in my life.
I think I will have to move far away .I CANT HANDLE IT.Doctors shoving drugs dwon my throat wont work cos my life wont change .Im not the problem here.I mean even serial killers have one friend.
I see people hiding to avoid me .I know somethings going on but not one decent person has the guts to tell me

 

[Princeofhope]

Hey, princess...smile.

Just smile, even if it's a little one. Everyone here wouldn't mind being a friend, you'll never be alone. I promise.

 

[starryeyed]

i go into my room and all my stuff has been moved around.Im real wary of this ,I notice things moved straight away .I am at a loss .Why does nobody want me around? plus about hearing voices ,I heard a girls mind today as she read her text message and it said she was being invited to a singer this weekend.Now I had never heard of this singer,yet I went out and put on the radio and I heard the ad for this same singer on the same night she had thought of.
HOw the f could I have known ,when I had never heard of him before? That is not coincidence.I know they are lying to me cos they they dont want me to know.I think its sick and twisted what everyone is doing to me.
I go inot waiting rooms and everyone is warned not to speak to me.A friends aunt was in there,she completely cut me dead.How is that even ok?
how is ok for EVERYONE to ignore me .Its not right ,Im not putting up with it anymore.All I ever did was work myself to the bone in jobs where I was made a fool out of for hardly no money ,in places where I was harrassed so badly that if I went to court Id end up with thousands.
Spraying vinegar in my eyes ,which everyone thought was hilarious .
Im getting no support for the abuse Im going through.The doctor had to relallign my spine after being beaten here and he didnt seem to give a f*k.

 

[starryeyed]

i cant smile.I smiled for long enough but Im now at the point where I demand a life like evryone else.i deserve love and happiness and people to talk to me .Im fucking furious at being lied to by everyone.Its gone too far .Im going to court .I demand justice

 

[starryeyed]

I know theres something going on .How can it be normal to be called a dog? This has been going since I was a kid.I thought everybody called everyone else dogs.Of course they dont.I was made to be like a dog years ago and the doctors lie to me so I dont remember .I wake up sweating and how can this also be imaginary .Im fucked off with the lies ,:shelbi:

 

[starryeyed]

Plus all this time people could read my mind and I didnt know .
No wonder nobody comes near me ,jesus
how wrong is that .they were giving me drugs so i wouldnt know how much money they were spending belonged to me
I even heard someone say that
Ill never be normal or have a normal life .EVER .they should be in jail
i cant believe they left me back here knowing whats going on
its sick beyond words
i should have learned to hide my thoughts when i was a kid but i never got the chance
someone needs to go to jail for all this
as for being psychotic ,i can rem feeling that way walking to school when i was a kid so it was never psychosis at all
i even heard someone say that oh its funny they told her she was psychotic and she believed them
how do they think id go around not ever finding out all this
im sick of doctors lies .im sick of it

 

[starryeyed]

Why is nobody telling me the truth ?