I really need to leave him. But somehow I can't. And I keep hating myself for it. We've been dating for about 5 months. He appears to be more into the relationship than myself. Lately everything he does seems to annoy me in some way, and I stop being attracted to him every now and then. Something happened the other day while we were alone and I've regretted it. We didn't have sex, I'm still a virgin but we got quite close to it and I felt really uncomfortable and pushed him away. I don't want to be touched ever since. By anyone. Especially by him. It just doesn't feel right. He's so different than me. I never realized when we started dating but I do now. He's always so 'happy' and awkward and naive-like, whereas I'm someone who changes moods every second or two (it's bipolar's disorder's fault) and I end up making sarcastic comments on things he says without wanting to. And I end up feeling guilty about it all night afterwards. I don't know why, but I'm just not happy. He does everything he can to make me happy but somehow things keep getting worse. He says a lot of awkward things at weird times and that tends to make things worse again even if they were normal, but I blame myself for that because I tend to over analyze everything and obsess over anything someone close to me says. I don't know, I keep thinking he's lying about some small idiotic stuff to impress me. And, the other night, I ended up crying in front of him. For no reason, like I usually do (Or maybe there is a reason, my depression). I've managed to hide my tears from most people but no. We were outside at the moment and I felt like my legs could not hold me anymore, and I fell down crying. A bunch of people stared at us and a man even walked over to see if he can help. He picked me up and we walked over to a park to talk. I couldn't talk. I just didn't find the right things to say. When he asked me why I was crying, I couldn't simply tell him I was unhappy and I needed to break up, that I was suicidal and depressed, that I had bipolar disorder. We had a talk once and I hinted something about a break up. He started crying and yelling that he can't lose me and won't lose me because he loves me, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I can't stand causing others pain. He seemed to deny the fact that I might want to break up. He refuses to believe it. I'm scared he might threaten suicide, just like my ex boyfriend. I can't take any more of this again. I really can't. I'll end up breaking down completely and ending ~my life. I still suffer from the guilt my ex boyfriend left me for breaking up with him. He would threaten suicide, and even cut himself in front of me. I spent a year of my life trying to help him out and make him find happiness again. Now he's with another girl who he's happy with, after making me go through hell. I'm sure he would be glad to see where I'm at now... I don't know how to break up with him. What to say, what to do. I'm scared of being alone, but I need to leave him, for his sake at least. But I'm scared of the process. It was more than hell next time. Please, help me if you can. I really need to let him go. I don't know how..