I need to see her.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by TheWr0ngChild, Feb 8, 2008.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    The woman who verbaly abused me in a supported living place, I don't care if she is not sorry, I don't care if she has no idea of the pain she inflicted on me, I need her to know, I need her to know that I wake up every night thinking I'm back in the flat, I can't even sleep in certain beds because they remind me of the place, I have a constant headache because of the nightmares, I have moments in the day where I have "flashbacks" to her howling at me, Iknow 100% if I saw her, it would stop, I need closure my mind cannot give me, no words, no other person apart from her can set me free.
  2. supported living place, suggests you are having problems, person working in a supported living place suggests she has problems...its amazing how the sick attract the sick...you wanna feel the wind on top of a mountain you conqiuerd, you won't feel klthat same wind next time... you'll feel just wind..
  3. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    you need to at least try and take control of the situation, especially if there is little likelihood of you seeing her. Maybe make some changes in your life.

    I was a bit confused by some of this quote, the last bit anyway - what do you mean??
  4. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Ok, I can control my waking life, fair enough, but when I sleep, that's totaly different, the only way I've been able to control the dreams is by not sleeping, they won't stop till I say my peice, they are all focused around me seeing her, she says I have to "face her" in these dreams, one was so intense I actualy knew I was dreaming and tried to find her after being pushed towards her by one of the other workers from the place, but could not, lack of sleep is making me physicaly ill.

    Also let me reinstate, I DO NOT LIVE THERE ANY MORE.
  5. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    that's erm well I wouldn't say interesting but it makes me a think a bit. You must find it scary. Is there any way you might be able to locate her?
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    The next time you go to sleep, you have to try to confront her in your dreams. This is the only way that you will be able to resolve this issue and put this behind you.
  7. someone_

    someone_ Active Member

    She's not worth it.

    If she was enough of a bitch to abuse you, then she will not care at all what you have to say. You will NOT feel better after seeing the probably bitchy look on her face as you tell her your life sucks. I know it's easier said than done but the best revenge is to get over it and get better. That's the only way you can truly belittle what she did. Not show her what she did worked.

    I just read you said "verbal abuse"... unless it was one outburst or something, she really won't care. And I don't think you'll feel proud afterwards at all.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 8, 2008
  8. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    this has nothing to do with being "proud", this has nothing to do with the look on her face, I don't care is she laughs, crys, scowels, or whatever, this is not about her or her reaction, this is about me being free to sleep at night, this is about me being able to stop thumping myself with heavy objects every time I am criticized, this is about my fast detiriorating physical health, the extreme premenstrual symptoms that rule my life, my constant headache, the fact my hair is falling out etc etc, all fuled by servere sleep depravation which can go on for days on end, you try functioning after a week on no sleep, or maybe try 2, you put up with the stares (which sets me off having flashbacks about HER again) I get when I have to go out because I can't walk in a straight line and my eyes are half closed, you try it, then tell me these things.
  9. someone_

    someone_ Active Member

    I don't like your tone, especially not in a place like this where most are on the same boat. I get what you're saying and I didn't mean you were doing it TO BE proud but how do you know her reaction won't follow you as well. What if it gets worse.
  10. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for being like that I woke up about 6 times last night in my 3 hours worth of sleep and came on here too early, now can you imagine how hard it is for me to cope like this, man I am sorry :sad:
  11. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Not my tone, hers.
  12. someone_

    someone_ Active Member

    It's OK. But when people come to a board named suicideforum you can't think they think too lightly of anything. This might sound stupid, but have you tried doing things that would help you get into a deep sleep? You say this problem strikes you at night so you have 2 options IMO:

    1. Since you're aware you're dreaming, you do your best to face her in your dream. If that's hard to do then the impact is even better.
    2. Just fall into deep sleep. Many people use sleeping pills but I'm not into meds that much, maybe you should look up tips for deep sleep. There are some ways to get your body and mind ready for sleep... like keeping a steady schedule where you sleep when it's dark, don't nap for more than 30 minutes or after 3 p.m, exercise a few times a week, avoid heavy meals at night, etc... http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleep-disorders/archives/sleeptips.htm Worth a try.
  13. Sounds like a case for Freud.
    Although there seems to be some extenuating circumstances. It’s difficult to understand how you have the same dream/s or very similar dream/s every night. I've tried to dream about having sex every night but that don't work! (sorry)
    But it is in all reality near impossible to dream about what you 'want' to dream about.
    My earlier post was a way of saying that you have already resolved this situation, you have already been threw the emotion of it, re-enacting or re-visiting that situation will never be the same, genuine, real, authentic.

    Obviously if you can handle seeing your tormenter again, then do it. There are ways and means of finding
  14. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Oh I would, it's just she is probably protected by many stupid "human rights" and a "care" company that was threatening to take me to court over debts they put me in, all I can hope for now is one day I'll land up in the psych ward, and they can hear me wake up and scream her name untill I can hardly breathe, then someone may take me seriously.
  15. BlueMia

    BlueMia Member

    exactly. if we're all in the same boat- shouldn't u be giving them advice rather than critisizing their problems and basically making it worse?

    i think you should just forget about it. this woman is obviously not worth it- so you shouldn't give her the satisfaction by worrying about it.
  16. Tin_Woman has REPEATEDLY stated that this is following her in her SLEEP!! (what little she is getting of it anyway :sad:) HelOOOOO!!! Do you READ?

    TW - I have a suggestion that you may or may not take...could it be helpful in any way to write down your thoughts and opinions, and send them to her? I've done this before, though not too often. I found that it was not only therapeutic, but that I could take my time in gathering (and editing) all that I wanted to say - all that I wished to include - venting anger and everything. (I'd also report her to the appropriate agency, or whatever, if I was able...she OBVIOUSLY should NOT be in this line of work, no matter what existing shortages may exist!!)

    Given - you're not in much shape to concentrate (I feel horrible for you!), but you can do this at your own pace, if you feel inclined. (another "plus", though I know there aren't many, is that if you're waking up all the time, you can use that to write more thoughts down - it may or may not help you get some sleep, but it could be 'productive' - at least kill some time)

    Again, I don't know if this will be helpful to you, but the 'golden rule' is NOT to edit while brainstorming... It's just an idea...

  17. someone_

    someone_ Active Member

    I gave her advice. Maybe not the one she wanted cause I misunderstood her but she acknowledged that she could've been less defensive. No one's trying to make it worse, just mind your own business.
  18. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Thanks, but I don't think that would be possible, she is protected by the company, as I said before, a company that were at one point looking for any excuse to "take legal action" against me, mostly over debts owed to them by me for rent payments they failed to collect. They were always "right" and strongly defended any ideas they had, we are talking about a company that puts serverely disabled people into £17.000 worth of debt as one girl there was, try to prevent them from leaving using the debts, just as they did me, imploy highly agressive and abusive staff and then use them as "debt collectors", they used this woman to harrass and threaten me to make £40 a month repayments on a £7000 debt they put me in, I was screamed at, sworn at, told I had "terrible personal hygene", this meant I coud not even afford new shoes when I needed them, and when I met my boyfriend and went out with him one day he noticed my shoes were in holes and letting in rain water, he felt so bad he went straight and brought me a new pair. I had informed staff at the house where I lived and was told I would have to cut back on my food bill if I needed shoes! I had £60 a week to live on, and at one point I was told this may be needed to pay off mor eof the debt, leaving me with only just enough money to eat, this never happened, but it was a good threat on her part, that is £25 under what my benefit money was worked out for one person needing to live on per week, because they deducted "rent" from my weekly living funds. I have been left there for 2 years, and over those 2 years I've been getting on avarage 3 hours unbroken sleep a night, after that the nightmare starts, where a male member of their staff who used to work at the house I lived at, grabs me and pushes me into a que of people, the person in front of me is her, then it's pertty much up to her where it goes from there. It's horrible, it's like she knows I am dreaming and can get away with doing pretty much ANYTHING she likes to me.

    It alternates between this one, and one where I am back in the flat I lived in, I look out the window and see her walking up the garden, then she comes in and starts screaming about a broken kitchen unit, that was broken when I lived there because their mantenance staff made sexual comments to me so I would not allow them in to do any work while I was there, but I had signed a form saying they could enter and do repairs when I was not there, still they did not, probably at this woman's request, so she could keep the pressure up, reporting any repairs that needed doing was a horrible experience because it had to be noted in the main house, where she would find out, then come and give me hour long screaming lectures about how I had willfully done the damage myself, all because I had Asperger Syndrome and had been mentioned in a VERY OLD report about me that I had been known to cause damage AT HOME, when I was TEN, I was about 19 at this point, where she often looked possessed, and of course I have nightmares about that too.

    Unfortunatly complaining won't get me anywhere now, after I moved in with my boyfriend, she still threatened my by phone, she said things like if I did not return to the house and PAY MY DEBTS, the police and social services would be called and my boyfriend would more than likely be prosecuted for kidnapping and sexualy abusing me, all on her word, and boy was she convincing, this only stopped after I changed my mobile phone sim card, as she obviously had my number in her mobile as she continued to call after her shift had finished.

    My physical health is pretty poor at the moment, I'm suffering from servere premenstrual problems, extereme sleep depravation, to the point where I can't walk straight some days, I feel constantly weak and tired, and pretty much readdy to give up.

    I really would not commit what I have to say to her on paper and allow the company she works for to use that as evidence for another attack on me, it would have to be word of mouth, face to face only, and that is pretty much impossible, her protection network would be too strong.

    Thank you very much for the reply though, it's nice to know not all of you want to blame and criticize me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2008
  19. Hey...thanks for reading my suggestion, even if it wasn't helpful to you. And btw - I don't think anyone was really blaming you - perhaps simply a misunderstanding (bound to happen). And furthermore - I have to say you express yourself really well!

    I'm really sorry, again, that my 'idea' wasn't a productive one (though it still might indeed help you personally to keep something of a diary to vent your anger!! Cathartic if nothing else, yet still valuable in its own right). Your experiences sound TRULY hellish!! And it's absolutley infuriating to feel powerless/ineffective in coping with such abuse and circumstances as you've endured! It's a sad fact of this life that such oppression still goes on, and on (even though we like to call ourselves "civilized")... Might I ask if you have/or could find a resource/agency/organization that might be able to help you in some capacity to short out your life issues (outside of the 'confrontation' you feel would be cathartic)? That said, I also realize that "The System" is usually pretty f***ed up, and there's mountains of red tape and bullshit to sort through (which you've already had more than your fair share of!) - no matter where one lives! But there just might be some other avenues out there... It could very well be frustrating, yet it could also make you feel more "empowered" in seeking them out...

    THAT said, I also realize that you've more than likely encounterd the obstacles of seeking out other help...but you're still here today...which means you haven't completely given up - and that is to your benefit!

    I FEEL for you!!!
  20. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

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