I need to talk talk to someone/ find a friend

airi · May 20, 2020

Hello everyone! I made this profile a day ago. I still don' t feel comfortable enough to write everything about "my story", but may be such formal inroduction is not needed, right?.. So, I have been dealing with health issues in the last 10-15 years. The severity of my problems have varied through the years, but for the last 5years it has been bad- I am almost disabled, I can barely get out of my house and I am in constant physical discomfort and very, very tired.
Gradually I lost all of my friends...I literally have one friend I sometimes talk on the phone with. Some people (usually family friends) suggest that I shouldn't talk about health problems with my friends, because that pushes poople away. Others suggest that may be avoiding this topic is also bad, because my friends may be don't realise how serious my situation is and may be they think I am purposely avoiding meetings, birthdays and so on (it is physically impossible for me to go).... I have tried to carefully explain to 2-3 friends about the situation and we agree that we should talk more often, but that never happens afterwards. Like, if I don't call, they never will and that makes me feel like I am intruding....besides it feels humiliating...
I have literally spend about 6 years with minimal social interaction and almost in isolation. It is insane amount of time to be lonely and isolated! It is unbearable.At first I was sad and cried a lot, but now I am starting to feel bitter and I am not an angry/bitter person, that is a new feeling for me...Why did they leave me in my darkest moment?! I have tried always to be a decent friend, to be there when they needed help, and now I am all alone...and on top of all that loneliness, I have to deal with watching my dreams, life and youth crumble to dust because of my health.

So, in short, I need to talk to new people and make new friends! I know everyone here is dealing with a lot in their lives - mental illness, trauma, anxiety... how do i start, without being intrusive or annoying, or look needy? Are personal messages ok, or are they too much? May be people talk more in the chat rooms? Funny enough, I still feel kind of shy for the chat rooms, lol...
I would like to talk about all sorts of things, not just problems- films, music, your city...

If someone decides to write on this thread, please keep in mind these:
I see most people are probably from the USA and I live on the other side of the world. It is the middle of the night here; so if you decide to talk, keep in mind the time difference.
Sometimes I am also too physically unwell for conversations, so if I take a long time to write, may be I am just sick. I seriously avoided finding new people online before, because I feared they wouldn't understand why I can't write constantly...

That's all folks!

lost_in_a_fairytale · May 20, 2020

hello

I'll be your friend! I have no clue about chat on here as I've been too chicken to use it lol
you sound similar to me! I haven't had any friends in real life for 6 years which has been hard. I have some people I talk to online but its not the same....except for my best friend online but we aren't talking atm as we had a fight so I am even more alone than usual atm. Anyway I understand your isolation and hurt ♥ life is so much harder without friends/close friends isnt it? I've found it really tough too.

I'm sorry you've lost friends, not many stick around when you have problems do they. You should be able to talk to your friends about your health problems- thats what friends are for! as long as you trust them and feel comfortable, of course dont feel pressured to tell them if you dont feel comfortable being personal yet

it is good to warn people, as you said otherwise they might get the wrong idea and think perhaps you aren't bothered or something, but good people should be understanding of your problems and not guilt you for not replying quickly or not being able to hang out. *hug

I get why that would feel humiliating, friendship is a two way thing and both people should be making the effort to communicate.

I've spent 6-7 years isolated too! I'm at home most the time during the past 7 years because of my mental health and/or physical health. I have no social life or friends irl or close family or siblings or boyfriend. It has been unbearable at times so I totally understand the pain of it *sadhug

its weird seeing people go mad over lockdown when this is just my normal life- I forget it's not normal.

it's not your fault your friends left you, not at all. they were lousy friends to do that, true friends care and would never leave you in trouble. they were selfish.

I have no clue how to start friendships with people either, I usually wait for someone else to make the move because I don't like bouncing into people's lives randomly and assuming they want me around lol but yeah I'm here! I understand your pain

Lara_C · May 20, 2020

airi said:

Hi @airi and welcome! I'd say just be yourself and let things develop naturally. You'll find lots of people here who can relate to everything you've been through and who can support and comfort you when needed, and also to share your interests, thoughts and opinions with. There's a lot of light hearted fun here as well to balance the more serious topics - check out Jims Cafe or The Tavern.

Paisley · May 20, 2020

It can bring a sense of connection to offer advice on other people's threads on the forum. Maybe read through a few of them and see if any resonate with you. I personally prefer to use the forums as opposed to chat because I like being able to take my time to write out my responses, and I also like how everything that's said is recorded in case I forget what was said later on.

Chat is going to be the most like speaking in person (or like in real time, anyway). Keep in mind that it can get both busy and not busy at alternating times in there, so it can be worth checking in at different times of the day if the amount of people in there at any given time seems overwhelming.

There are plenty of members here from all sort of time zones; quite a few from the UK in particular. But really we have members from all over the globe. There's no shortage of friends to be made here. I think it can be helpful to bond with others over shared struggles.

KM76710 · May 20, 2020

I agree with Lara C, just be yourself, join in like you have been doing and you will find many here receptive who will become your friends and folks to talk with. I have and I am a cuddly as a cactus like The Grinch.

I have no doubt that you will fit in great and discover many like minded people who you will connect with.

Nick · May 20, 2020

Hi @airi you're in luck, because people here are from all over the world! There are slower times on the forum and in the chat room, but there's usually someone around. If you want to find out who you connect with, start responding to things. Read some posts and browse some of the more fun areas like Jim's cafe. Some people are completely okay with private messages, others are less a fan. It depends on the person. You can always ask. Sometimes chat is slower than others, maybe check it out when it's a bit slower. Jump in and get to know people. You'll fit right in. Hope to see you around.

Butterfly · May 21, 2020

I'm sorry that you have been struggling so much. We here at SF will always be here for you if you need to talk *hug

airi · May 22, 2020

thanks to everyone who responded to my thread with support and advice!
i have been trying to participate as much as i could here, may be i will somehow fit in with time.
I just really want to belong somewhere. may be the loss of my social circle has traumatized me a bit...most of my lost friends were childhood friends, we've been in the same social circle for many years, i just can't believe they are not in my life any more and I miss them... i don't know why they don't miss me...
sometimes i even think that they never really liked me that much as a friend, they just liked having me around, because I was always the "helpful friend". other times i worry that I am probably just a boring person that never brought anything exciting in any person's life and of course they don't feel my absence.
i am a bit introverted, but i am not a very shy person, i can start and keep a conversation going. so..i don't know...
even here, where the environment is so welcoming and so supportive and positive, i feel like i am somehow weird or inadequate, or simply annoying. i guess it is just me being overanxious/paranoid because of my experience.

lost_in_a_fairytale · May 22, 2020

it's never too late, have you tried reaching out to your old friends and saying you miss them? they could miss you too, you never know ♥

airi · May 22, 2020

lost_in_a_fairytale said:

Yes, I have. This "break up" had been happening gradually with me not being able to physically attend social gatherings. I had tried to explain, as much as I could. Some understood to a point, some didn't. Or may be they just don't feel uncomfortable talking about such things...
I get that people have lives, problems, workload and so on. But at times, especially when my health is at a low point or I have go to the hospital again, I feel really alone; even a bit bitter... I am tired of dealing with troubles alone, that's all.
but we all could find new friends, right?

lost_in_a_fairytale · May 22, 2020

airi said:

Yes, I have. This "break up" had been happening gradually with me not being able to physically attend social gatherings. I had tried to explain, as much as I could. Some understood to a point, some didn't. Or may be they just don't feel uncomfortable talking about such things...
I get that people have lives, problems, workload and so on. But at times, especially when my health is at a low point or I have go to the hospital again, I feel really alone; even a bit bitter... I am tired of dealing with troubles alone, that's all.
but we all could find new friends, right?

ah im sorry, that's not nice of them
I understand why you'd feel alone, its important to have support from friends ♥

Paisley · May 22, 2020

airi said:

You already do fit in, that's the thing. We're all more or less in the same boat here. And as for participation, there's absolutely no requirement for you to do so any more than you want to. We aren't going anywhere.

airi said:

Personally, I much prefer to have no or few friends than to have fairweather friends. For many years I've only felt comfortable speaking candidly with one person, and in recent times I've doubled that number to two people. I've had many "friends" over the years, some of whom I stopped associating with because of their behaviour, and some of whom have just drifted away gradually.

My point is that you deserve to have friends who you can speak honestly with and who care about you as much as you do them.

Aurelia · May 22, 2020

Just wanted to say hi and welcome. I'm sorry you've felt so isolated for so long. I know the feeling, as I barely ever go out either and don't have any real life friends. But the people here are great to talk to. It makes you wish they lived closer, which kind of sucks, but still keep in mind that it's not just words on a screen. We're all real people with real issues, who form real emotional connections. We care about each other, laugh together, and cry for one another at times, despite the distance.

kikaansiosa · May 26, 2020

Olá, quero ser sua amiga!

Ryu · May 26, 2020

Umm hi im ryu and i dont feel like living anymore my family life sucks and i feel like no one needs or wants me idk why i even try so can someone please help me sorry to be a bother

Paisley · May 26, 2020

Ryu said:

Hey Ryu, nice to meet you. I think you should start a new thread and talk more about what's brought you here in the new thread, you're more likely to get responses that way. You aren't being a bother.

may71 · May 26, 2020

Ryu said:

Hello and welcome to SF Ryu!

I hope you'll say more about what's going on if you feel like it, and that things can get better soon.

Ryu said:

Hey, it's not a bother at all. This is what SF is for

Sending hugs

Ixtab · May 26, 2020

Maybe it's just the place in life we are? I have maybe three friends. One has kids, multiple baby mama's, limited time. Other one same deal and he's going to court ordered rehab. My best friend is female I never see her and we talk on the phone sometimes but I miss her the most.

I'm torn we live in the same town now haven't seen each other in almost two years I want to see her bad but I don't want to because I'm not in a great place mentally, I desperately don't want to make any mistake with her. She wouldn't care I wish she world visit me once....

airi · May 27, 2020

I don't know how it happens, so that friendships that we've been building for so many years somehow suddenly dissolve... I invest a lot in my relationships with people - emotionally, mentally, with my time - and when the relationships break, it makes me feel worthless; like I've never really meant anything to these people and I am always the person who is more engaged into a friendship/relationship.
And I am a social person, if I don't talk to people for a longer period, my sadness grows really dark.

I see many of you are struggling with isolation and loneliness too. As much as I don't want you to be lonely, you sharing your experience has given me some reassurance that I am not completely-uniquely alone; I hope I don't sound mean

Ryu · May 27, 2020

kikaansiosa said:

Thank u it means alot that someone wants to talk

I need to talk talk to someone/ find a friend

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