I need to talk...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Thelonious P, May 16, 2013.

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  1. Thelonious P

    Thelonious P New Member

    Hello everyone. First, I wanna say thanks if you're taking time to read this and I'd really appreciate any feedback on my dilemma.

    I'm 19 years young, and have been dealing with bouts of depression on-and-off as long as I can remember. Usually I'm able to snap myself out of it and get back to my positive and productive out-look on life. But life has been a lot different lately..I was always a smart kid in High School, good grades, fairly popular, graduated with Honors. I'm not sure why I didn't push hard to get into a University, and as much as my parents didn't help in that situation I can only blame myself for my current status--community college, taking a semester off, unsure if I'll be able to get the classes I need to progress and more importantly unsure if i'll be able to afford it. While out of high school, I naturally fell out of touch with my friends who were moving on to brighter and better things and I wish them the best. I ended up falling into the wrong crowd with people who I thought were my friends, but really had malicious intent. I almost hate myself for being too blind to see. I ended up on the wrong side of a check scam fraud which ultimately resulted in $2,300 owed in my name. On top of that, I lost my mediocre position at a Starbucks,whose duties I hated but paycheck I needed. Replacing said job has proved to be far more challenging than I had hoped. Now everyday I'm anxious, worried, depressed. Plus my girlfriend broke my heart in the midst of all this, and all the power to her. I was shell of myself in our later days together, and she deserves to be happy. She had no clue of my financial trauma, almost like she dodged a bullet. So now, I'm unemployed, technically out of school, living at moms. Correction, stuck at moms. My parents have been updated on my financial situation, and they provide the help they can, and I'm thankful because I need it.. But that's the only help I've really ever known from them. I know, I know "poor me my mommy gives me $$ instead of love, I've got it soooooo bad". But the truth is I've never known the type of connection with my parents that most people have or at least have with someone in their family. My mother and father were both born on the same day, it's almost like they're the same person but in different ways. Both kind and warming people in their hearts, reaching out and connecting just isn't their strongest trait. Or maybe I'm just too far to reach... Most people say I come off as intimidating. That I'm just this ultra confident quiet guy who think's he's better than everyone else. And nothing could be farther from the truth..Everymorning when I wake up from the final sequence of my dreams I feel this immediate shift from slumber to consciousness..I realized I'm only happy when I'm sleep..

    so there's my 2cents. i could keep going but I'll spare you all the rant. I'm a warm and inviting person, I encourage comments and messages.

    I need you more than you need me
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I just wanted to say hi, and welcome to the site. I'm around a lot if you ever feel like talking; I hope you find friendship and support here.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Thelonius P welcome to SF. You are still young hun so when you are ready you can still head off to university You are not the only one to take time off after high school to figure out what it is you want to pursue so don't be so hard on yourself ok. I do hope you can talk to a councilor at your school who could help you with that. Nice to meet you hugs
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hi Thelonius, welcome to SF. You wrote that you didn't want to rant, I don't see that as a rant and it's good to be able to get out the negative feelings. I'm sorry times are tough for you right now, but you've come to a good place to connect with people and to find support.
     
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