I need to....

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Rukia, Aug 30, 2007.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I've been SH-free for months now, except for one time last week and last night. It didn't bruise last week, but it did actually hurt. I guess it was because I used my hands for the first time in years. I really want to do it the way I used to, but I'm scared I might end up accidentally kill myself. :unsure:
    When I'm feeling like I do today, I really wish I started cutting instead. I can't help thinking that I've damaged my brain with all the SH, that I'm the reason I feel this way. :unsure: I know I'll probably make things worse if I start SHing again, but the voices in my head are getting so strong and this is the only way I can control them. :sad:
     
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Try to keep yourself occupied by doing things in your daily life. Hopefully that will reduce the urge to do SH.
     
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I don't really have the urge to SH anymore. I just need those stupid voices to shut up, and this is the only way I know. :sad:
     
  4. Nightfall

    Nightfall Member

    What say the voices?
    What exactly are you feeling. Can you describe it? Maybe it´ll help if you write it down an throw it in the toilet afterwards.
     
  5. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    On most days they'll only tell me how worthless I am, and that I need to end my life. I totally agree with them, so that's no problem really. But on some days they'll "force" me to say/do things. I know it sounds stupid, but if I don't have the energy to fight them, they'll make me do what they want. :sad:

    I'm just feeling depressed today. I hate the fact that I had to SH to get some control over my thoughts.
     
  6. Nightfall

    Nightfall Member

    That´s the point. Why do you think that you´re wothless?

    Try and stop hating you for that. Thats a double punishment. You aready self harmed you. That´s enough punishment. Hating you for the punishment is a bit paradoxal.
     
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    It's not the SH bit I hate, it's the fact that I have to if I don't want to lose my mind. :mad:
    I guess I'm in a lose-lose situation. If I don't SH I might end up killing my self, and if I SH I might get severe brain damage or accidentally die. :unsure:
     
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