"I need you, I really do"

[resistance]

I'm feeling pretty low this evening. My boyfriend keeps telling me to tell him when I'm feeling low and I texted him about 30 mins ago telling him I feel like killing myself and he replied saying, "You bloody ain't. What about me? I need you, I really do. I love you". It's heartbreaking, and I feel like such a heartless bitch for even feeling this way. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt anyone and it rips me in two when I feel like ending my life.
I love him so much, and I care about other people, it's him and other people who are keeping me here and sometimes I wish so badly I can make people hate me.. I WANT people to hate me, turn them against me so that I will be alone and I won't feel guilt. I push people away, some of you on here know only too well I have a tendancy to push people away but you just won't let go and I know I should feel greatful for having friends like you, and a boyfriend like him and I am greatful. It's just sometimes when I'm in a mood like this I wish everyone hated me.

I'll be ok, as always. Just feeling pretty meh.

 

[Ze'ev-Hayalim]

stay safe Resistance. It was wrong of your man to say those words.

we are here for you :hug:

gabriel

 

[immure]

ah its a hard state to manage in a relationship. its good u are forth right with ur man .try not to feel guilt for how ur feelings happen to affect others. hang on to ur love conection it could save ur life.i am sure he means well. i say the same sorta thing sometimes cause i mean it in all the ways a shakespearin love could.

 

[xparisx]

Hey,
I hope you’re feeling better now.
You know his right, people around you need you but really it’s not all that bad. Instead of trying to leave them, appreciate that they need you. Knowing people are there for you and also relying on you can be a great feeling once you embrace it. Life really isn’t long enough to spend it wishing to leave.

~Paris

 

[resistance]

I don't know, afterall he couldn't really say "You can kill yourself if you want to". If anything it was wrong of me to tell him. I haven't been telling him my feelings much recently and he kept telling me over and over to tell him so I tell him tonight and I wish I didn't. It did make me feel a bit worse.

Anyway, thanks hun. :hug:

 

[immure]

its better to tell or he might have personalized ur feelings cause i know i sure find that a hard when even when he shares its hard not to personalize but i am still better of knowin cause then i can respond more situational appropriate.

 

[blub]

I know how it feels. But the advices that they gave me are, talk about it with someone and let people near you know that ther is something wrong. I know its so hard to tell. At least for me, I haven't told them yet.
Good luck with it and take care

 

[wienerman]

hun, i am so sorry i have seen this so late, but anyway here's my reply

words cannot begin to explain how much you mean to me as a friend, you have been there for my lowest point any for that i am so greatful. you are such an amazing and caring person, and i wish that you could see it.

it is good that your boyfriend actually says those things and shows his love of you so much. it is good that you are relying on other people to keep you going in the short term. but as time passes you will learn to love and respect yourself and hence will not need to value your life by worth to others. i hope that makes sence, but if you need a crutch to keep you here with us i want you to use it. also if you ever need to talk to someone i will be here for you, i want to help you like you helped me.

 

[Forget It]

I keep hearing suicide as an objectionable act because it's selfish to put the living -- those that care for you in a state of horror. I used to think that way, but who says and who has the authority over you to keep living? Who can make that call? No one can judge another being because they don't have the knowledge of you or your circumstances like you do. May be it's other people that are selfish to want you to keep on living through the feces that is life. I'm not encouraging you to kill yourself, but guilt is not going to keep me from fantasizing and some day, going through with it.

"I need you, I really do."

I know every one needs something or someone, but most people don't get what they really desire. People don't actually need people like they believe they do. Of course, I'm not talking about infants who are dependent on caretakers to provide things that everyone needs to survive: Food and shelter. We think we need other people, but we don't. When people say this, I laugh to myself because I know that their need turns to apathy in a some what long process of not having having that romantic partner, friend, or family member. Cheer up. Lose the guilt. (I'm trying to make you feel better in my own way).

 

[gentlelady]

:hug: I am one of those that won't let you go without a fight hun. I hope you feel better soon. Keep on keepin' on. I know you can do it. Love ya lots. :rose: