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I never asked for life...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blades, Aug 31, 2010.

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  1. Blades

    Blades Member

    Most people call it a gift. I call it a curse.
    They say things get better, but when?
    I wish I could just die, every breath, I want it to be my last.
    I feel lonely all the time! ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And I can't even get it to go away. I feel like, theres a void, and I can fill it up with people and possessions, but they never completely fill the void, and just fall into a black hole and don't help any more. It may help for a little bit, but I always come back to the nothingness I feel. I've tried screaming, and I've just tried everything. My mom even found out I was suicidal, but that just made things worse. Now she's forcing me to do things that are just making it worse, her thinking it's for the better.

    I feel like everything keeps changing, right as I get used to something, and that I have to keep re-adapting. The only thing that doesn't change, are my feelings. I have an amazing girlfriend, but it doesn't help. I love talking to her, but it doesn't help when I'm not able to talk to her anymore. I'm pretty sure it's just going to end like things always do, and I just want someone who's... Real... I've had someone who did help me before, she was so amazing, but I lost her. And it's been a year, and I'm still not over her. I wish I never met her, because I wouldn't have had to have felt the pain of losing her.

    I've tried everything, even tried turning to god, but that didn't help...

    I'm just sick of living, and I feel I can't even talk to anyone about this, because they always think I'm looking for sympathy, or just plain flat out don't care. :/ I'm just, I'm pushing, and giving it my all, but nothings getting better. I have no clue what to do now. I've run out of ideas on what might help. :/
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    It sounds to me like loneliness is just what You want to the problem to be. However, in reality there is something else missing from your life. Something else that gives you fulfillment. I cannot say what that is sadly. The only way to really find out what that might be, is to go out and try things.

    I know the pain of losing someone close to you. O had a female who I took for granted and she left me. Right now I regret ever meeting her as well. However, try not to let your regret ruin your future with this new female or the next one or the one after that, if such a fate comes to pass. You have one thing over me. I have no idea how to meet and woo females.

    Wounds take time to heal. Yes everything heals with time. However, if you just let a wound heal on its own, It will take longer and likely get infected. Stay strong, treat the wound and things will get better quicker.
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