I never knew so little

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ibinsanediego, Aug 9, 2008.

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  1. ibinsanediego

    ibinsanediego Active Member

    I came to this looking for this forum because I feel like it's time to move on to the next life. My life has been a waste of time, no dreams, no interests that ever last, no confidence, no self esteem... which led me to 20 years of using drugs to self medicate as I wondered through life thinking it will change... but it never did. No meaningful relationships, no kids... no hope of ever meeting someone.
    I look for reasons to go on, but what awaits me at the other end... old age that is... old age, alone, with barely enough to survive... what's the point? been off of drugs for 14 years but nothing has changed... I've tried anti depressants at time when I needed them, but now, I just can't seem to come up with anymore lies to tell myself as to why I should go on. And then I read some of your stories, your feelings, your troubles... I never knew.... or never thought about it... it's heart breaking. I wish after all these years that I would have learned some wisdom, something to contribute to help some of you, at such a young age... I don't know why I didn't OD during all those years of using.... I gotta to work now... I told them I would do it, so I will
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello,
    You do help us by posting and letting us know that you are o.k. Just by the little you shared with us, I sence you are kind and considerate. You need to let go of the past. My therapist is always telling me to let go , because what good does it do for you to keep bringing it up. Live for the now. You will eventually meet someone!! Some times it takes a while to find your true soulmate.
    I am one of the old lonely ones. I don't feel alone because I have made my choice to be alone so it isn't that hard for me. I have my dog and that is good enough for me. By the way I am 51 years old.
    Just be careful on who you will have a relationship with. Don't confuse lust with love. I had done that more than once and got burned each time. Good Luck And Stay Safe....
     
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Can really relate to elements of what you said. Im no spring chicken myself, 34 male, still meandering through life, little confidence, no self esteem. I have dreams, but dont have the tenacity to see them come true.

    It can often feel hopeless, but for every day I feel hopeless, feel like shit, theres a day where I dream again, of what "might" be if only I apply myself, if only these mysterious pains I get dont end up killing me.

    Ive had a mild alcohol problem since I was a teen, can relate to that dependance, whats its like to self medicate. Sometimes I drank out of happiness, a social thing with friends, the one or two I had at any given point in time, more often I drank alone. Ill just drink enough to get me "happy" I use to say, but it never made me happy, just made me tired, miserable and lathargic. I had a couple bouts of pretty heavy drinking last year, fortunately thats behind me now.

    Finally after years of being alone, and when I say years im talking 15+, im in a relationship, its not all roses, aspects of it I hope change over time, but I love her and she loves me and well, we just where it goes.

    Things change....thats all im saying, whether you believe it now, it does happen. You're jaded with life, and its understandable. No spark, no light. Anything new, anything at all, even consider moving, whatever you can do to break this cycle of nothing, is definately something.

    I hope you stick around, hope you can make a start on finding something that brings light into the dark.

    P.S If i was up to it right now I would post more, id like to post more, but my head is acting up right now. Good luck, I know it can change for you.
     
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