I never matter

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Borrowed time*, Nov 3, 2010.

  1. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Im sick to death of being used by the people in my life. Family (i now use the term loosely) and co workers.

    Im sure every one has had enough of me moaning about my family but they really do annoy me.
    They dont want to speak to me but if they need to bitch im always the topic of the day.
    I mind my own business and i still get yelled at and insulted.
    I walk into a room and they walk out.
    If i ask a question i get a mumbled response at best, no eye contact what so ever. I am just an inconvenience in this house.
    I know they go through my room whilst im at work, i have had things stolen which really annoys me. Nearly all of my possesions i have bought myself.
    I dont understand, if they dont want to talk to me why they cant just leave me alone?
    I posted on here looking for help for my brother as he was talking about suicide. Like an idiot i nearly opened up to him and let him know how i feel. It turns out he just wanted an excuse to have a week off work.
    I talked to him, tried to advise and I stayed up 2 nights to make sure he didnt hurt himself and i never got a thank you. I also still went to work. We are now back to business as usual with him ignoring me. The worst thing is we work in the same office and people keep coming up to me to ask how he is, i wont lie to them so i said i had no idea we havnt spoken. One of the managers then told me i should speak to him and take care of him.
    Why do i always come out as the guilty party? Im always the one who has to help them, never the other way around. If i ask for any help im told how busy every one is. WTF!!! until my brother came to live at home again i was the only person in this house working, how can you be busy doing nothing?

    At work they have started asking me to do more overtime. So far i have refused simply because i keep forgetting to put my time sheets in so i never get paid for it. I dont mind that, its my fault after all. I get to work an hour early and leave late every day and yet they still ask me to do over time. Do i not give enough? I dont know how much more they want out of me. They know i walk to work, it takes me an hour. They know i get there early every day to set everything up. They know i never have my full lunch break and barely leave my desk. They know i stay late every night to make things easier for the late shift, even though i dont have to. Yet they want more and more. I appreciate a lot of people do unpaid work, i just feel like instead of coming to me every day they can ask one of the other 10 people on my team. I have tried to hand my notice in but got scared everytime, im really that pathetic.

    Im so stressed iv got a unrelenting pressure in my head as well as a 3 week head ache and when i bend down it feels like my head is going to explode.
    I feel like every ones door mat at the moment.
    Im sick of carrying the guilt if i ever refuse to do something, but then i get angry when no one will help me.
    The problem is me though not them. If i could just say no and stand up for myself i think people would ease off a bit. But thats not going to happen any time soon. The few times in my life i have stuck up for myself people manage to twist it and make me feel guilty for saying no, im always in the wrong. It makes me laugh when people do that and then tell me i need more confidence. Theres only so many times i can be told my opinions dont matter and i dont matter before i stop trying all together.

    Sorry for the long post
    I thank any one who can read this whole self pitying ramble
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know I read your post, and you do matter. :hug: Here if you feel like talking.
     
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    What she said....:)
     
  4. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Thanks wildcherry and In Limbo
    If i really mattered people wouldnt walk all over me all the time, like i said though its my fault. I accept that. Im very close to giving up fighting it.
     
  5. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    dont give uo sunny you do matter to us here:shake:
     
  6. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Thank you Andi, everyone on here are really helpful and nice.
    Its people in life that keep putting me back in my place, the gutter
    Just ignore me im tired and a bit down at the moment
     
  7. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thats ok sunny
    people in life suck right?
    but youre not staying in my gutter get out ok!!!!!!!lol
     
  8. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    People in life are too wrapped up in there own lives to realise how much they can hurt you with there words or just a look.
    Im just being selfish expecting people to consider me. The world doesnt revolve around me.

    Your throwing me out?:blink: lol
     
  9. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    its not selfish to want to be considered,theyre the people who want you to do everything for them and make you feel guilty if that one time in your life you look after no 1.

    and yep im throwing you out the gutter youre too good for down here ok!!!!!
     
  10. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Thank you for trying, i just wish i could believe it:poo:
     
  11. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    You do matter and you seem like a great person! I do everything through my faith and it is rewarding. Even when I do not get the thank you from somone I help, I know that I did the right thing, and I did it for something bigger than them. I am here if you need to talk...