I hadn't been here for months. Everything was going more or less as planned. Just had a fight with my dad. Ironically, he yelled at me not to yell at him. I wasn't. I went to my mom to ask her if I was really yelling, my mom gave me a sign, like "let it go, you know how he is" And i took my hands to my head. So far I was just upset, then everything just went way over the top with me and I started furiously pulling my hair, quickly, like I wanted to rip it off. Crying. I tried to stop myself, as some part of me, way deep inside was telling me to stop, but my hands were possessed and did. I started scratching myself, like trying to rip my skin off. my mom got up and tried to stop me, my brother came up just as I was wrapping on hand around my neck and squeezing. There was like my body was turning against me, I mean, I was controlling it and doing it by myself, but at the same time I was trying to stop. My mom quickly removed the hair band I had as my brother immobilized my hands. My mom tried to talk to me tried to calm me down and I was just rambling about how they didn't respect me, how they could raise their voices at me and treated me like I was shit. she talked to me and I calmed down finally but I couldn't stop crying. Se then gave me some pill, I swallowed it, I don't even know what it was, and she wouldn't tell me when I asked. i think she sedated me or something. I had to talk online to my boyfriend and I told him everything, I took and sent him pictures of what I did to myself. He talked to me and calmed me down, he was so sweet, I am so lucky to have him. I just don't know why did I do this to myself. I asked for respect, and I disrespected myself by harming myself. I'm sorry. I needed to vent. I lost count of how many times I've said I'm sorry. But now i have marks all over me and my head hurts and my throat hurts too. I need to go to bed.