I never thought I could do this to myself. (Triggering)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by aurorita_1788, Jan 3, 2013.

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  1. aurorita_1788

    aurorita_1788 Well-Known Member

    I hadn't been here for months.

    Everything was going more or less as planned.

    Just had a fight with my dad.

    Ironically, he yelled at me not to yell at him. I wasn't. I went to my mom to ask her if I was really yelling, my mom gave me a sign, like "let it go, you know how he is" And i took my hands to my head. So far I was just upset, then everything just went way over the top with me and I started furiously pulling my hair, quickly, like I wanted to rip it off. Crying. I tried to stop myself, as some part of me, way deep inside was telling me to stop, but my hands were possessed and did. I started scratching myself, like trying to rip my skin off. my mom got up and tried to stop me, my brother came up just as I was wrapping on hand around my neck and squeezing. There was like my body was turning against me, I mean, I was controlling it and doing it by myself, but at the same time I was trying to stop. My mom quickly removed the hair band I had as my brother immobilized my hands. My mom tried to talk to me tried to calm me down and I was just rambling about how they didn't respect me, how they could raise their voices at me and treated me like I was shit. she talked to me and I calmed down finally but I couldn't stop crying. Se then gave me some pill, I swallowed it, I don't even know what it was, and she wouldn't tell me when I asked. i think she sedated me or something. I had to talk online to my boyfriend and I told him everything, I took and sent him pictures of what I did to myself. He talked to me and calmed me down, he was so sweet, I am so lucky to have him.

    I just don't know why did I do this to myself. I asked for respect, and I disrespected myself by harming myself.

    I'm sorry. I needed to vent. I lost count of how many times I've said I'm sorry. But now i have marks all over me and my head hurts and my throat hurts too. I need to go to bed.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu hun need to talk to your doctor or a therapist to help you deal with all those emotions you have kept buried so deeply. Ask your mom to get you help ok you need to talk not self destruct hun The therapist will show you how not to self harm when this happens again h ugs
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