I never thought I would post but...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mhs, Nov 7, 2011.


How often does your life get overwhelming?

Poll closed Nov 9, 2011.
  1. Once a month

    2 vote(s)
  2. Once a week

    1 vote(s)
  3. Once a day

    2 vote(s)
  4. Hourly

    7 vote(s)
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  1. mhs

    mhs New Member

    I cannot continue to have a life like this. What else is going to go wrong? I am an accountant yet I am in bankruptcy(really). I have four dogs; one just bit the other and I have no idea how I am going to pay the vet to get the dog fixed up. My wife and I are in the midst of a very bad marriage. I have been diagnosed with major depression. I don't have any friends to talk to about my problems. I have no contact with anyone in my family. I am not very good at my job yet I have been in my profession for a long time. My kids are wonderful; are doing well in school but have had to deal with parents who are at each other's throats on a daily basis. I think about suicide on a regular basis but the pain and anguish (and guilt) that I would cause my kids keeps me from taking it any further than just thinking about it. I go to sleep at night in the hopes that I will not wake up the next morning; however I don't think you can wish for your own demise and expect to get the desired result. I go to work, laugh, put on a happy face, try to do my job and then go home at night. I hate the weekends because it gives me more time to think about my problems. I keep thinking that it can't get any worse yet it always does. I am really afraid to do anyhing to harm myself. It's just that I feel I am at my breaking point. I am in my late 40's and am totally ruined in just about all aspects of life. I know this is just another rant from another very troubled person but at least I feel a little better seeing it in print.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Sometimes writing about our feelings can give us a release and can sometimes help us make sense of them so it might be something you would like to do in the future, perhaps keep a diary on this forum. It might help slightly. I am also very sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Why do you and your wife argue so much? Do you think your depression may be a factor in the arguements? Also trying to talk to her about your feelings may help, she may get a better understanding of what you are going through right now. Maybe somw marriage counselling may benefit you most. Financially there are services to aid you and should be some wherever you live.

    You say you have been diagnosed with major depression, are you on any meds or having any therapy? It may be something worth looking into. Meds can help lift that black cloud so you can begin to see things in a different light rather than just the negatives the depression makes us see. Therapy can also help you make some sense of your feelings, help you change the way to think and help you accept certain feelings.
  3. 2011corvette

    2011corvette Member

    Everything in your life is bad except your children? Then what else is there? You are blessed with wonderful kids......that is what matters and that is what you live for. Nothing else matters because it will all come back around. The other things in your life will get better. It will change. Work on your marriage and Live for your kids. They love you and need you more than you know. You will never know how you would hurt them if you ended your life. The pain they will feel is to much to bear. Wipe this thought from your mind. This is not an option to the problems you have. Live for your children. Don't hurt them.
    I speak with the hurt in my heart that will be there forever. I loved my Mom dearly. I wish I knew how bad her pain must have been. You can not imagine the pain that lives in my family now. This happened a few months ago and I can not hardly stand to sit still. When things are quiet, I only think more. When I relax, I only think more. When I am alone, I only think more. So what do I do? I stay busy and don't stop. How long can I last before my body just runs out.
    Don't leave your children hurting. If you need to talk I am here any time to share what it does to the family. Please...............
  4. NQ1340

    NQ1340 Member

    You have come a long way, reaching late 40s.

    How about just trying a little more for your children?
  5. mhs

    mhs New Member

    I want to thank everybody for their comments. I'm trying to hang in there.
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