I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live...

[carolineemma]

All those icky couples would say "Baby I can't breathe without you," and I would always roll my eyes at comments like that.

Now, I've been on and off depressed for years, possibly bipolar disorder, I have no clue. unwilling to see a doctor.

A few months ago I was happy. I was with this guy who was too old for me. This might sound wrong, or bad. But no - it was absolutely perfect. I would give anything to relive those days we spent together. He knew so much more than me. He always had something to show me. He always said to come to him for any help or advice. He always knew what to say to me.

I've never felt such powerful vivid feelings before in my life, despite past boyfriends that I had once thought I loved. But this man, he made me feel alive. Everything felt alright each time we were apart, with the thought that I'd soon be back in his arms.

However....everything has fallen apart. He's given up. He said it's too hard with the age difference.

I thought this would be like other breakups - I'd cry for a day and then see the silver lining and realize it was okay.

I was wrong..here I am, waiting. It feels like nothing will ever be worth it. It feels like, even if I grew to love someone else, this man would still be in the back of my mind. I feel like I'll never get over him. I WAS NOT ready for this to be over. Now I can't go more than a few minutes without tearing up or thinking about him.

Of course there are other reasons I am sad - I don't appreciate life. It's monotonous; we work our whole lives and then die.

But in summary, I'm saying that I really, really want to die. I just don't know if I have the guts. One of these days I might be pushed over the edge though. I just don't see the point in going through misery if I'm going to die eventually anyways.

 

[asura nirosuki]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

You lived several years before without them there, you can continue.
your friends your family? what about them?

 

[Aurelia]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

Yes, I have wanted to die because of that and it's called codependency.

 

[pancake111]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

My relationship is with my best friend. He almost moved across the country, and I was freaking out. All I could think about was how I wasn't going to make it without him. Although he doesn't know it, he's one of the major reasons why I'm alive right now. If I didn't have him I wouldn't of had a reason to stay alive all those months ago.

 

[Jemm]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

It will get easier... It will take what seems like forever and there will be many days where the pain returns with the same intensity but it will subside... Just trust that voice inside that tells you it will be ok...

 

[TheLoneWolf]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

I know what you're going through - been there, done that. But you have to believe me when I say that there will be another. You will find someone else who makes you feel that way again.

I was more or less "involved" with a much younger woman whom I loved completely... I had to let her go because my situation was too complicated. For two years, I kept her in the back of my mind... for two years, I thought about her every day and regretted the fact that I let her go. I didn't think I would ever find anyone else who would fill the hole in my life left behind when I let her go. But life has a funny way of surprising us when we least expect it, just when we think we can bear no more.

All I'm saying is, hang in there. You'd be surprised by how things can change given enough time.

 

[Rod]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

i voted. too painful to type sorry. My son is involved in my example

 

[Histerin]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

i lost
MY GAME AND IT WAS LIKE A LOVE TO ME CONSIDERING I LOST MY REAL GF AND EVEYTRHIGN I FUCKING HAD IN LIFE YES I WATN TO FUCKING DIE CUZ I KNOW THINGS WONT GET BETER

 

[carolineemma]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

It's nice to think you guys are right, that it will get better and such. But it's so unexplainable...things feel so different now. Every other time something ended with someone, I could FEEL that I'd get over it eventually and that everything would be alright. But now..I don't feel that way. It feels like it will always hurt. No one has ever made me feel so alive. And now that I dot have that, I don't even want to be alive.

 

[carolineemma]

Re: I never thought one single person could make the difference in your will to live.

I keep waiting for a call, with him desparately saying, "I was wrong. You're worth the risk. I need you," or something along those lines..I feel like I'll never stop hoping and waiting..