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I never told anyone...I was 5 years old

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Lilly, Feb 2, 2011.

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  1. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    This was a long time ago.
    There was once a little girl. Her name was Lilly.
    Her mom wasn't able to take care of her, so she was sent to live with a foster family. The family was nice, they took in a lot of kids. All the kids had issues like Lilly had. Their moms couldn't take care of them either. Lilly was accepted amoung the other children. They were brothers and sisters in a family that they made themselves.
    Lilly was protected from everything bad in this home. She didn't know that there were things in the world that little girls should never know about.
    One day, a new boy came into the family. He liked Lilly very much. They would play together a lot. He taught her how to throw a ball, and play Sega games. She liked playing with him so much. Sometimes they would stay up late, and sit at each others doors and talk.
    Lilly didn't know that he had a lot more issues than she did.
    He was an older boy, about 12 years old, and Lilly was only 5. She didn't understand the problems that she had, so she couldn't even imagine his.
    One night, as they were playing, the older boy started to act strange.
    He told Lilly that they were going to play a game. One that they'd never played before. He said that she would like it.
    He didn't have any pants on. Lilly thought that was very strange and she was going to ask him why, but he put a finger to her lips. "shh" he whispered. "you'll wake up mum and ruin the game"
    he told Lilly to go and get one of her belts.
    She got her favourite one. It was pink and sparkly and pretty.
    he tied her arms in it. Lilly was scared she didnt know what was going on.
    Then..he started the game.
    When the game was finished he told her "thats OUR game only ok? you cant tell anyone." Lilly coulnt speak. She didnt know what happened.
    Her mouth was dry, yet something was running down her chin...

    I'm Lilly. obviously.
    I never told anyone. It was so long ago.
    I'm sorry...I couldnt keep it in any more. I saw the title...and thought it was appropriate for this section,
    Im sorry.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry that happen to you that boy was bad i am sorry i am glad you were able to tell someone now it must have been awful for you to keep that secret so long I hope now you can reach out again and get some therapy for you to help you deal with that trauma of long ago hugs
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Lilly -

    you have nothing to be sorry for. you did nothing wrong, this was not your fault.

    i have recently, also for the first time in my life, shared something that happened with me at childhood. it is so difficult to piece together bits of memories and unrecognizable feelings.

    i also hope you are in therapy or can reach out for help with this.

    take care.
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Lily, you are not alone.
    Forgive yourself, like yourself and forgive him, not the acts but him.
    He was a child too, perhaps one who had been abused himself, perhaps one who was incapable of showing love and instead mistook it for what he did.
    I know how hard it is to show forgiveness for those who have hurt us, but its part of letting go and its essential in the healing process.
    Stay strong, stay safe, stay loved.
    Come and find me anytime, there are ways to deal with this, be a survivoor not a victim. hugs
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm really sorry that happened to you. i was also abused at a young age. it's affected every aspect of my life. it's taken time with a good therapist to help me heal. i hope you get some support. it's worth it. you're worth it. big hugs, if okay...
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm so sorry that this happened to you and at such a young age. :sad: :hug:
  7. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys <3 *hugs*:hugtackles:
  8. ignoredchild

    ignoredchild New Member

    I never told anyone either <crying>
  9. Pip28

    Pip28 Well-Known Member

    There is so much evil in the world, there are times I want to hurt myself but I wish I could hurt these people so much more, how can anyone hurt a child, I cant start to understand your pain I just wish I could help, I am thinking of you xxx
  10. wOOt99

    wOOt99 Active Member

    Lilly, you have nothing to be sorry about. I am sorry this happened to you. Talking about the experience will help you heal from that tragic situation.
  11. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    The person who hurt me was also hurt by older children. She didn't know what she was doing. It's hard when you love someone so much, and you cannot entirely blame them since they were also minors. You hate them SO much for taking your trust. For ruining your childhood. For touching every facet of your future relationships in a way. You are not alone. It wasn't your fault. Just cry and cry and cry until you feel better. Admitting your problems is a step in the right direction.
  12. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i was not as young as you, but whilst going thru therapy for something unrelated memories of long buried incestous abuse by a brother were ignited...i have not yet told my therapist and not sure i will, as overall all my brothers looked out for me like my own personal army and i dont really want to deal with it on top of current crap. memories haunt me, but what i do know is and what i will reinforce more to you is that it is not your fault...you were 5 years old, no way on this earth could or would you be responsible for what happened. sometimes we meet bad people, we dont wear signs saying "bad people welcome". its hard because it destroys your self esteem and confidence, but you are better than that and you need to accept that at 5 yrs old you were not in a position to understand, dont let them make you a life long victim...fight to accept they were wrong...confront them if you are brave enough...but dont let the wrongdoing of anyone make you feel guilty, you are worth more than that :hugtackles:
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