I think I've finally lost my ability to hope things will get better, I can't easily feel there's reason to do anything, I'm just giving up on hopes, dreams and the possibility of a better life. Nothing has really improved since my last post, I'm feeling even more suicidal than before. I don't write, paint or animate anything anymore, with all the free time I have in the summer I've only hid in my room and tried to sleep for as long as possible and I lie that I've been reading when anyone asks what I was doing. I don't seem to be going anywhere but, slowly but surely, my death. I hate myself, all I see in the mirror is a freak, a lazy failure and a helpless weakling. Well, if anyone who reads this has seen my other posts, this is just becoming annoyingly repetitive drama. If anyone listened to me, I would only be annoying, all the more reason to die. Sorry, I don't even know why I'm posting here again, it's never fixed things. I think I'll be done posting after this.