I no longer care...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DeVon72176, Nov 25, 2009.

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  1. DeVon72176

    DeVon72176 Active Member


    I'm so very tired... of everything. I've fought for so long and no longer want to fight any more.

    I've given up. I'm now a zombie wondering, waiting wither and die.

    There's so much. I'll try to give an abridged version.

    First, I've been out of work for a year. Collected unemployment. Did the best I could for my daughters (I have two). Then, I got a new job, but I guess the stress of not having one took its toll. Found out my wife is cheating on me. We've had several fights and I can't get out cause I have no where else to go (as she has pointed out). So I have to stay here in a seperate room till my lease is up. I have been threatened financially by her as well, since she makes more money than I do. On top of that, my car has broken down (which I was borrowing in the first place).and it's either that or my rent.

    To help me through this, I made a friend over the internet. We've spoken briefly on the phone as well. I figured I was allowed a friend. But my wife found out and I'm afraid she (my friend) has been chased away. All we were really were e-mail buddies and I couldn't even have that. This really hurt me.

    Today is the third day I've called into a job I fought very hard to get and keep. I don't seem to care anymore and on occasion, I start crying for no real reason.

    I've tried dying before, but didn't do it right or commit to it correctly. I usually don't make the same mistakes twice and this time could just use the <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> that is supposed to help me (as I have high blood pressure). The only thing that keeps me from doing so is a promise I made to my little girl. And even that is slipping, as much as I hate to say it. I just don't think I'm worth it anymore. I don't think I can be loved.

    The only good thing so far is that I'm eating. That's I sign that I'm not going to do anything stupid to myself for a little while. I don't know how long that will last though. But I'm really confused, lost, and alone and just needed to share with someone.

    There's a lot that hasn't gone into this. A lot. A lot of hurt and pain isn't shown here. I just wanted to get the gist of it out there for someone to see.

    Thanks for reading this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    :hug: I just want you to know that you're worth so much. You didn't deserve to be hurt or cheated on, and you DO have a right to make friends. Your wife has no right to keep you from making friends, so please don't let her take that away from you.

    I'm around a lot, so PM me anytime if you want to talk, or you just need a friend. Please don't give up!!
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