I no longer care...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DeVon72176, Nov 25, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. DeVon72176

    DeVon72176 Active Member


    I'm so very tired... of everything. I've fought for so long and no longer want to fight any more.

    I've given up. I'm now a zombie wondering, waiting wither and die.

    There's so much. I'll try to give an abridged version.

    First, I've been out of work for a year. Collected unemployment. Did the best I could for my daughters (I have two). Then, I got a new job, but I guess the stress of not having one took its toll. Found out my wife is cheating on me. We've had several fights and I can't get out cause I have no where else to go (as she has pointed out). So I have to stay here in a seperate room till my lease is up. I have been threatened financially by her as well, since she makes more money than I do. On top of that, my car has broken down (which I was borrowing in the first place).and it's either that or my rent.

    To help me through this, I made a friend over the internet. We've spoken briefly on the phone as well. I figured I was allowed a friend. But my wife found out and I'm afraid she (my friend) has been chased away. All we were really were e-mail buddies and I couldn't even have that. This really hurt me.

    Today is the third day I've called into a job I fought very hard to get and keep. I don't seem to care anymore and on occasion, I start crying for no real reason.

    I've tried dying before, but didn't do it right or commit to it correctly. I usually don't make the same mistakes twice and this time could just use the <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> that is supposed to help me (as I have high blood pressure). The only thing that keeps me from doing so is a promise I made to my little girl. And even that is slipping, as much as I hate to say it. I just don't think I'm worth it anymore. I don't think I can be loved.

    The only good thing so far is that I'm eating. That's I sign that I'm not going to do anything stupid to myself for a little while. I don't know how long that will last though. But I'm really confused, lost, and alone and just needed to share with someone.

    There's a lot that hasn't gone into this. A lot. A lot of hurt and pain isn't shown here. I just wanted to get the gist of it out there for someone to see.

    Thanks for reading this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I just want you to know that you're worth so much. You didn't deserve to be hurt or cheated on, and you DO have a right to make friends. Your wife has no right to keep you from making friends, so please don't let her take that away from you.

    I'm around a lot, so PM me anytime if you want to talk, or you just need a friend. Please don't give up!!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.