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I noticed something

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ShoegazeDaydream, Jun 21, 2016.

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  1. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    I realized how much I've been crying lately and when I cry, I cry really hard. I felt as if I was being suffocated whenever I cried because of all the pain that I felt in just alone this one year.

    Than suddenly I noticed how nothing really makes me cry anymore. My mother last night was lost and I told her, "Freaking out won't solve the problem. Just relax, think and try to navigate on where were going. We'll find our way home." After this I took a nap as we were driving, when I got up I opened up my Arizona green tea and just started eating chips. She started a conversation with me and I felt different, I feel as if I changed somehow.

    Not sure if it's for the better or worse. There was something sad on TV and normally it would cause me to tear up or I would cry. I just looked at the TV for a minute and then continued on doing what I normally do.

    I believe I'm starting not to care anymore or I'm just numb. I don't know. I have no idea what this is but it deeply worries me. I'm actually trying to get myself to cry to see if I have any emotion left inside me and I won't cry. I just keep staring and blinking, I know I'm alive, just not many emotions come to me anymore, especially sadness.
  2. Artemis88

    Artemis88 Member

    I have had occasional times like this where it all has gotten too much and you shut down to protect yourself. In honesty, at the moment, I wish I could do that myself right now. I've had a bad day and have ended up self harming just to try and calm down. I've been feeling myself getting angrier and angrier and wanting to throw myself of a ledge or smash my car into a wall. Having someone you care about confirm all your worst fears about yourself will do that. I know they are trying to help but they have never suffered from depression and don't know how hard it is just to move sometimes. The problem is I agree with all the things they said and I know that I am a bad person. I know that I am selfish, I've let myself get overweight and I am currently unemployed to boot. But I'm not allowed to be angry and upset, because they are trying to help me improve myself. I'm so confused about what to do. Do I become a Stepford housewife and act the part? I don't know if I can. They basically told me that they will only stick around as long as it's fun.
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