I realized how much I've been crying lately and when I cry, I cry really hard. I felt as if I was being suffocated whenever I cried because of all the pain that I felt in just alone this one year. Than suddenly I noticed how nothing really makes me cry anymore. My mother last night was lost and I told her, "Freaking out won't solve the problem. Just relax, think and try to navigate on where were going. We'll find our way home." After this I took a nap as we were driving, when I got up I opened up my Arizona green tea and just started eating chips. She started a conversation with me and I felt different, I feel as if I changed somehow. Not sure if it's for the better or worse. There was something sad on TV and normally it would cause me to tear up or I would cry. I just looked at the TV for a minute and then continued on doing what I normally do. I believe I'm starting not to care anymore or I'm just numb. I don't know. I have no idea what this is but it deeply worries me. I'm actually trying to get myself to cry to see if I have any emotion left inside me and I won't cry. I just keep staring and blinking, I know I'm alive, just not many emotions come to me anymore, especially sadness.