I now feel I have to be gaurded on this site.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by NoMoneyToPlease, May 28, 2011.

  1. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I feel for my own best interests,that I have to stay away from this site when I feel truly suicidal.

    I feel the only time it is safe to come here is if I have enough inner strength to help cope during a petty confrontation.

    I also feel that if I do run into trouble on this site that I am expected to deal with it in a calm and collected way.

    I can't do that.I don't have tools to respond in a methodical and coldly efficient manner towards drama.

    Some comments from the mods have mentally scarred me.

    Instead of just handing down a judgment they felt the need to tell me that I am "rude",that I was "hurting people" and that it was inappropriate for me to feel that my own situation deserved to be handled with self deprecating/black humor.
    My abuser used to tell me this.

    Not the language of support is it?But considering this was all done in private I can only imagine what deeply personal observations some of you have had to take in while in crisis...and being punished for it.

    I am a member of a support forum who has been made aware by one moderator that they don't have the time for my problems because they have better things to do.

    I wouldn't be surprised if that,or something as equally "self worth" destroying has been said to other forum users....in private.

    A lot of us are being made to feel like bad people at the moment.

    We didn't come here to be made to feel that way.

    But it's happening. :(
  2. MLKane

    MLKane Well-Known Member

    I haven't talked to you much, but you don't seem like a bad sort. but then, neither do the mods, so I'm obviously just not in the position to know what's going on. but I do agree that when I'm truly suicidal the only place on this forum I go is chat, because I'm too graphic in my descriptions for the main forum.

    I get what you say about black humour, I find it helps but many people on the forum don't, so I make the jokes out loud, to myself, that way they aren't offended. As for confrontation, I just avoid any threads where I'll do anything be supportive or be jokey, I'm not here for anything else.

    I don't know what the mod, or mods, have done to you, but this is still a support forum. You can let them get you down, or just report them and ask us common folk for support, we're still here even if some's dismissed you.
  3. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I know.Guess we all have to learn to walk on eggshells while under the influence of overpowering swells of emotion.

    It's quite a balancing act ,isn't it?
    Quite an ask.

    What you feel and how you choose to deal is okay man. :)
    Or it should be.

    Is it dangerous to expect suicidal people to modify their behaviour?Which does mean having to hide aspects of themselves or push their toxic feeling back down to where they can fester and cause real harm?
  4. revoltra

    revoltra Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry you feel like this. And I don't think it's about making anyone the bad guy, but rather keeping everyone protected. This is not just this site, but also laws. And when it comes down to it, I would rather be to safe than shut those people out. Please remember that there are many members here that are underage. And I don't think I need to remind anyone just how bad beeing a teenager can be. Hell, I'm still a teen for another few months.

    And there are other ways to communicate with people. If black humour helps, that's great. But then try other im clients, personally I use skype. Nobody is forcing you to enter the chat. We all choose to go in there, and by choosing so we are accepting to follow sertain rules.

    And so if you feel that it is unfair when you can't use things like "black humour" (just an example). Then you can, like I said use either skype or msn. Chat can be really crowded sometimes, so it's easy to feel pressed under in the masses. So making your own little group of friends on skype can be very helpfull, and unmoderated.
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have also felt silenced this week, (different reasons, but same feeling)
    it's not a good feeling at all

    i choose to step back from the site until i am in a better frame of mind

    i also talked about it in therapy. it helps to have supports outside of this forum. do you have anyone on the outside?

    in the end we are all here as guests of the moderators and admins, like it or not

    it is not our site, it is theirs...
  6. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Yes dazzle,I know is their site bit isn't a rather mean ans somewhat cruel way to run a suicide forum?
    To constantly suppress the users and remind them of who's in charge.
    Considering there are many pitfalls that result from the owners chosen design of the forum.

    Many unwitting mistakes to be made and punished for.

    It 's a bit like reliving the situational mechanics of past abuse.
    Looking for comfort but finding only rebuke and punishment.
  7. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i dont know the details of your anguish, but this is a forum to prevent suicide rather than encourage or discuss methods. i assume even the forum mods have been, or are, going through the same emotions as the majority here. maybe they felt your posts too triggering, or not appropriate to this site, i dont know. i dont think for a minute that you want to trigger or upset peeps..maybe if you explain what you said that makes you feel guarded...being guarded is not good as you dont let out how you feel which is not helpful. dont bottle up how u feel but if you think you are being misunderstood let everyone now. we are here to help and not trigger each other.

  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i agree with you one hundred percent.

    that's how it felt to me, too

    i hope you have someone to talk to outside of SF. i have my therapist..
  9. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    @Icequeen-My recent problems began when i jokingly claimed that jesus spent the majority of his life in the nude.
    This was picked up on around half an hour later by a mod who was ignoring a plea for help by another user.
    I just thought it was a joke that a "caring person" would glide by someone in crisis to get petty on my ass.

    @Dazzle-I am looking to leave this forum,the pod people are taking over.They seem to be more interested in juggling justifying themselves on the forum to speaking more freely than most in the chat rooms.

    It's always sad when the charmed ones feel brave enough to take over a genuine space on the internet.

    Oh well. :)
  10. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Your humour makes me smile, mister. Don't you dare ever change.

  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    please report the mod if you think they're not acting fairly..so it can't happen to others..