I only tried to

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aimee_in_Wonderland, Nov 7, 2010.

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  1. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i only tried to fix our problems.. and try to work something out.. i make you unhappy.. just the same as you make me scared.. i thought i was doing the right thing.. but then you say it wasnt... i dont know what you really expect from me anymore... im confused,

    But this time Im NOT sorry.

    I shouldnt have yelled and screamed at you but you didnt want to listen did you?
    you wanted to pretend that life was some kind of fairytale.. well guess what its not.
    your the lucky one thats been handed everything they ever wanted on a plate.
    you dont have to cry yourself to sleep or constantly wish you dont wake up in the morning.
    Your a model. you wouldnt understand money issues..
    and you certainly dont understand responsblity..
    yet you stand there telling me i shouldnt be so upset.. because i have it easy aswell..
    You no nothing...
    I was raped from the age of 8... right up until i was 13..
    I ran away from home when i was pregnate because my parents would have killed me... i had a beautiful baby girl.. i abandoned her at the hospital... She was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen... 8.5 born at 3.30am on the 10/11/03. and shes still on my mind to this day... 7 years on.
    When i got back home, things started up again.. he got what he wanted over and over again until i couldnt take anymore and i told him what i was going to do he beat me too it... so im the one living in a horrible memories and flash backs...
    When my mum and dad found out they didnt want to know.. i was 16 they told me i was a lier and that id made it all up... they didnt want me anymore and i havent spoken to either of them since i was 16... im now 20..
    i then fell in love.. with an amazing caring guy who i really thought loved me he changed my life... until he because possesive and abusive... ive never left him tho.. ive put up with it for years on end. because i love him.. one day he'll realise.
    So how dare you... tell me i have a good life too.. because when im smiling its not because i want too its because i have too..
    Ive tried to kill myself 9 times over the years...
    but you didnt see that did you.
    It was always about you wasnt it...
    Always about your problems..
    always about how you felt.

    Well now you know.
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I am so so sorry that those things happened to you. You must have incredible strength to have survived them.
    I wish I could do something to help you.
  3. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry you have had a terrible, horrible time growing up.
    ** cuddle **
    If you ever want to talk more please PM me, there is always somebody here.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you when you were younger aimee. :hug:
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