I opened the cupboard and saw it!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blackness, Aug 1, 2007.

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  1. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Ok so I've had a *method* planned to end my life for ages now.
    But today was the first time that I ever went into the garage, opened the special cupboard with a key and saw it, in its leather case. Then I unlocked the smaller compartment with the ammo in, opened up the box, just to have a look....

    Seeing it there and thiking how my life could cease kinda excited me. I felt happy that it IS there.

    I don't know why I'm writing this really:unsure:

    Just that I ask myself whether I could really do something like this, I mean I want it so bad, but could I really end it? Could you, with it starring back at you in the face?
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    please put it back or get rid of it?

    for me??

    i would not want you to do it and it would really hurt me so much if you did do it....


    love you...

    if you need to talk i am here..
  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I didnt get it out...just looked...best to be prepared I guess

    thanksyou though
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sometimes just knowing that the plan we have in place is ready and waiting is all we need. It doesn't mean the plan will take place. it makes you feel in control becausethe option is there. We need that semse of control over our lives. Please do not act on your plan. Let it remain an option if that is what you need, but only as the last possible resort, which should never come.
  5. dreamstar

    dreamstar Active Member

    I know the feeling. I'm feeling really suicidal right now too. Life just feels so empty and lonely and hopeless. I'm so tired of it all. Death often excites me too. Because I know it'd be the end of my miserable existence filled with nothing mostly but pain/sorrow/suffering. I wish I could just die in my sleep and be done with it all. But I know thats highly unlikely at my age. UNFORTUNATELY:(.

  6. Shooting yourself isn't entirely reliable, like most methods. :hug: Please don't do anything. Talk to us, PM me if you wanna, my PM box is open. :hug:
  7. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    I think we have probably all thought of the methods that we may use to end our lives if it comes to it. but to have the item so readily available is a worry only becouse you could perhaps act impulsively knowing its there could you not have it stored with a friend its still yours to do with what you want to but it would be far enough away should you reach your lowest ebb.
    Just wanting you to stay safe hun please TC:hug:
  8. markc

    markc Active Member

    Abso-effing-lutely. I'm preparing for my next attempt even now. I already have syringes of sufficient capacity and the single chemical I need will be arriving in the next couple of days (I'm not saying what, in keeping with the forum rules, but it's widely available in the U.S. and not on any restricted/controlled substance lists.)

    I don't have a specific time/place in mind; I just want to be ready. If/when I do it, it will look like a MASSIVE heart attack to the coroner. There's a halfway decent chance that they may not even know it was deliberately self-inflicted.

    I guess all those bio-chem classes in college are paying off after all.


    - Mark
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