I paint my body red with a knife..

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by SilentScream, Sep 30, 2011.

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  1. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member


    I do not really know what this feeling exactly is; but I somehow would really like to share it.

    I somehow really feel this urge to cut myself, and it's not for the pain or something; it's because of the blood, that will flow out from those wounds, like they are crying..
    And I think that wounds and scars really do look good, at the moment I've got around 18 scars and 5 new wounds on my torso (not my arms)

    And everytime that I look at my body in the mirror, looking at those wounds and scars, it's like an incomplete picture, there isn't enough red in it, so I cut again then, so there is more red, more wounds, to create a better picture..

    This happens everyday; sometimes I can control it and just look for a good distraction; but in other times I keep cutting myself like I'm trying to cut a steak out of myself..

    Thanks for reading :)
  2. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    I feel this way a lot, too. I just feel like there are never enough scars on my body, I always need more. Recently my parents bought me a book and a movie about how to stop selfing injurying. They've been becoming obsessed about the whole thing; I wish they'd just stop talking to me about it.
  3. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Hello Lotte;

    I can understand your feeling;
    Have you spoken to them to stop talking about it..?
    if not; you should explain them that the less you think about it the less u feel the urge to cut, that you need distraction instead of explaination..

    Also something that maybe might help; is using a kind of marker.. to make fake wounds; it doesn't help for me; but it is an option which might eventually help! :)

    Stay strong! :)
  4. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    Have you guys thought about tattoos? Something permanent of your own design. I'm not saying this is an answer, but maybe get one with a lot of red and see if that helps. It's much safer than cutting because the tools are sterile and it's in a controlled environment, plus, the red never goes away, so maybe once you have it done you will feel as though your picture is more complete.
  5. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member


    I've thought about that yes, but I know it's not the same..
    because it's not real for me..

    Thanks for the tip/suggestion anyway! :)
  6. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    I used to SH for basically the same reason. I used to love having cuts on my arms and legs. I thought that they looked good and I loved having the blood rush out of my arm. I didn't do it so much for the feeling, as i did for the physically affects.
  7. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    I also do not do it for the feeling anymore. I used to cut myself for the pain which would run all the way through my body, triggering my limits and reflextions.. I also cutted sometime because I wanted to get out of this body.. but at the moment I only cut because of the blood flow and the wounds, and it's also the cutting itself, which is kinda exciting to me..
  8. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I hope you are at least careful about it. I won't tell you you should stop, you already know it's not good for you, I just hope that you clean the wounds properly, as well as the blade so you don't get a nasty infection. We all do the things we do for different reasons, and I am no exception, so while I don't understand what you are doing, I respect that you do. Just please be as safe as possible with it.
  9. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot for your concern and for your care! :) I really appreciate that.

    And I am carefull, and I do not cut too deep; besides I always clean my blade after I cut; and I throw my razors away.. also when I'm in the shower I clean my wounds carefully.. :)
  10. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    :) I'm glad. If you ever need a chat, I'm around a lot.
  11. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Aww, thank you! :)
    I'll keep that in mind :)
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