I Performed this Holiday So No one Knew the truth

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hannahp, Dec 27, 2013.

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  1. Hannahp

    Hannahp Member

    I went to Xmas eve and day to see my family on all sides and they are none the wiser. I smiled, I laughed, I small talked everyone to death it made me sick. Who wants to hear the truth amongst all the Xmas lights and eggnog? All I could think of was this was a good way for everyone to remember me. They all have their own problems. I'm too old to know some things can't change.
  2. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Maybe you can let us know what the TRUTH is about in more detail here. We are here for you.
  3. I remember as a kid my father yelling at me for coming off "constantly miserable." He never asked me if or why I ever felt that way, just that LOOKING sad was not acceptable in the family. I became a very good actor by the time I reached high school. I can definitely identify with someone's need to keep up appearances...
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What's the truth? You can post it here, we care and will listen.
  5. Hannahp

    Hannahp Member

    Truth is the way I was feeling then. I was walking up the basement stairs laughing during Xmas eve when all I wanted to be doing is hanging in my garage. That was the truth not the played out role that I had to create of joy and happiness.
  6. What has happened? :hug:
  7. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    how do you do it?

    gimme some tips (because i could never do that)

    but seriously.. do tell us more about how you really feel on the forum- you don't have to hide the truth from us
  8. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    and there must be more truth behind that... such as the pain and hurt that you must be feeling to want to do that. Its the causes of that underlying depression that I'd suggest you talk about with a professional or here on this forum, in order to give you a bit of relief. Get some help and never give up, its not right for you to have to life with suffering. People do recover from depression, or at the very least, get out of it enough so that life is tolerable. That is why we are all here. You are right in that change is not easy and does not happen all at once. But, please believe, that if you put in just a bit of effort each day things can change over time. It make take 6 months, or a year or 5. For me it has been a 30 year journey since I wanted to kill myself at 17. I have had to learn literally dozens of daily coping tools to live my life, and I am still learning. It still takes work everyday. If you make an inner decision that you want to live no matter what, and you want to figure this all out on a deep level, and that you are desperate to find relief and willing to do anything, you can do it. You will find your answers.
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