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I pray everyday that someone (me) will end my life!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kmj221, Mar 22, 2012.

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  1. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    I can't do this anymore, I know I've said it before, but the truth is I don't think I've ever been this convinced that it is the right thing to do. It's been 5 YEARS, I have literally been on the same rollercoaster for 5 YEARS I get to the point where I've tried everthing then I end up attempting suicide for about the 40th time in 5 YEARS, then in the hospital and then I either end up committed, in residential treatment for about 2 to 4 months, I sense a little hope and about a month later all hope is gone and it starts all over again. I have nothing else I can do, I've tried it all and then I tried somemore. When you have no one, no friends, no family in your life whats the point. I believe I've excepted that between my borderline personality disorder, my severe anxiety, and major depression, that I will never have a meaning in life. Having no meaning to live only leaves one thing to complete. I owe so much to SF friends especially in chat who got me through the last year, I've tried over and over again in the last few weeks to try and utilize SF, I go into chat and no one talks, I don't know if its because everyone is doing a little better, or everyone is new, or what has happened to chat. I just thank everyone for the experience I did have. I now only need to get up the courage to complete what I know is inevitable. Thank you SF for what you have given me and may everyone here find that meaning and flourish. Thanks, Kim
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way...I've been suicidal for years too. I don't have any friends or family either, at least that I can turn to...so I know how lonely that can be. I've never been in the chat so I'm not sure how it works, but you can talk to me if you want. I just want you to know that I care how you're feeling and I hope you don't do it.
  3. b-rock

    b-rock Well-Known Member

    YOU can do this. You can do this...People care about you, don't lie to yourself saying anything different. Things change and they will. Sorry to hear you have been feeling this way for the last 5 years, but don't think there is nothing left, don't loose hope. When is the last time you did something spontaneous? Why not try something out of your norm and see what happens? you do have purpose. find it. feel free to hit me up whenever. just shoot me a message anytime you want/need to talk and don't even think twice about it. keep fighting and going. much love.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Kim honey - hi and pleased to meet you. We all come here to keep our hope alive and to try and understand. Although (because) we only have one pair of eyes with which to see things - when the lights turn off, it is so tempting to believe there is nothing there for us........ but that's not true. Where there is life, there is hope and grace. We have time, with life, to learn how to see things a little differently - a smidgeon at a time. I remember the time when I felt I could not last another hour..... and I look back on it now with the insights I've learned and can see (with my new specs, lol!) where my thinking was faulty. The same can happen for anyone, if it was able to happen for me. There IS meaning to life, however bleak it has been for us, I promise you hun,
    Blessings and strength,
    You Are Precious :smile:
  5. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hey kmj221!

    It's been a long time since we've had the chance to speak with one another--too long, in my estimation. I don't know a whole lot about a whole lot, but I do know that you've persevered through some devastating moments, enduring great suffering and pain. So, I have great compassion for you. I believe that you have made it through to this point for a reason, and that it may be a bit difficult to see through the fog, so to speak, given your condition and present state of mind, just what that is. But nonetheless, I think that greatness does indeed lie ahead, and that while that may seem unimaginable, I somehow know it in my heart to be true. I'm not much of a chat expert on here or any where else honestly, so I can't help you there, but feel free to talk to me by any other means any other time around these parts, because your voice is always a welcome addition to the brightness of my day.

    -Mr. B!
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 22, 2012
  6. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for reading and listening!!!
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    This was said so well that there is no reason to repeat it in my own words. b-rock hit the nail on the head.
    Think about your friends. Don't do this to THEM... or to you.
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