I pretend all the time.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Christina, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. Christina

    Christina New Member

    I pretend I'm ok all the time so others dont know how I feel because I dont know how I feel so I pretend the 'right' responses to any given situation.
    Inside I'm totally messed up....I feel numb. To be dead seems a better option. The reason I have not done anything about it is because I have a daughter and 2 young grandsons. How could I put them through that...at the same time I cant go on pretending much longer...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu don't have to pretend you just have to reach out and get some help for you okay. You daughter needs you yes and it would be better if you can heal all that pain and confusion inside you. Talk to someone okay a specialist a doctor who can help you heal okay. Pretending to be well take so much of ones energy i know try using that energy on getting you well okay. For you and your lovely daughter. take care
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Can you find one person you trust to be honest with? that will help you vent and allow you to feel better. I found that sometimes it only takes one true relationship to help me to feel genuine again...big hugs, J
  4. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    I definitely agree with Sadeyes about finding someone you can trust and confide in. Just being able to be yourself around one person and not having to fake everything all the time is a major relief and you'll notice the difference almost instantly. You could also try reacting the way you really feel deep down instead of using the response you know would be expected or appropriate, and judge where to go based off of the responses you get. If you feel the person might be supportive to you, then maybe slowly work on acting how you feel more and more.

    You can also post anything on your mind on SF of course, the people here are kind and understanding, so there's no need to worry about what anyone will think. Best of luck to you :)
  5. blackmumba

    blackmumba Member

    Hi You sound just like me, nobody knows how i feel, i pretend all the time which is really tough, i have two daughters, so i know what you mean, My life is shit,has been for a while ive been married for 20 odd years we have grown apart, hes away all the time with his job and i feel so lonely all the time, even when he comes home at weekends, i still feel so lonely, sometimes i feel it would be better if i wasnt around, i just have no life at all and i really mean no life, i feel i need somebody to love and show me some affection which i so badly need, thought about going to the doctor, im already on antidepressants so he wont do any thing, its all quite messy and i dont want to bore you, but i so need someone to talk to. viv x
  6. Kev

    Kev New Member

    Its the same for me Viv. In public I'm smiling and joking, but when I'm home, staring at the walls again with no one to care for I feel like ending it all.
  7. cap

    cap New Member

    . . . Your words really resonate with me . . . I can identify with you. In order to engage in society (work, relationships, recreation, etc.) its very likely that everyone pretends to some extent. Those I've known whom have refused to say the "right" things at the right times either: (a) lacked the cognitive capacity to do so; or (b) simply refused. Strangely, these examples in my own sphere of friendships, acqaintences, etc., all seem to be quite content with the simple existance their detachment has spun. Perhaps Sharespere was on to something with that whole "to thine ow self be true" thing.

    Anyhoo, I once enjoyed the pretending -- and actually grew quite adept at it -- but today, I'm pretty much where you're at.

    I think the question I'd want to be asked is: Why do you think you are numb inside? I would imagine it is a number of things that have accumulated against you . . . what do you think they are?
  8. Tealc

    Tealc Banned Member

    everyone wears their own mask, hide their feelings, emotions and fears.
    but i agree you need to ' offload ' onto a trusted friend.
    its a very hard thing to keep going while under pressure, stress or feelings of darkness and yet keep everyone at bay and pretend all is ok.

    you will crack sooner or later, now is the time to find support and help.
  9. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    I spent a lifetime pretending even when things were very bad I and I couldn't hide that something was wrong I would pretend it was nothing to worry about. As you have granchildren your daughter must be old enough to hear the truth or part of the truth. I know it was only when my children were adults they found out how bad things were because I od'ed ,this time round I have been honest with them and I went to my doctor and got help .
    You probably find it hard to talk openly after years of pretending so practice on here,people will talk and support you and in time you will feel able to either see your doctor or talk to your daughter. I found the more open I was the more people wanted to help and listen.
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