I push everyone away.......

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Autumn01, Feb 26, 2010.

  1. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm so depressed, always alone and I go everywhere alone.
    When a friend actually does contact me and actually wants to hang out with me- I always push them away. Like yesterday a guy friend of mine asked me how he could cheer me up- I said I don't know but thanks- then he said how about a big hug- I said a big hug would be nice but it's ok.

    When I'm out somewhere- I always envy people out with friends and people talking to people but yet when a friend or someone tries to talk to me- I always push them away but then sometimes feel bad about it later. I guess I do this because I know that they could be talking to someone who is far better then me and is worth while talking to. I guess I also do this/try to avoid human contact with everyone/anyone- as much as remotely possible because- I know it will then be that much easier for me to leave this world behind and to my grave.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Human contact the more you accept the better you will feel right. You are used to feeling crappy and are comfortable feeling that way I am the same I am not used to people kindness and outreaching hands so i too push them away when infact we should be holding on to them as this human contact we dread will be the key to our healing stay strong okay next time try to hang out and accept the big hug because you deserve it you deserve all the kindness this world will give you whether you believe it or not. You are important and you are special.
     
  3. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    I feel the exact same way...I think violet is right, you deserve hugs and friendship and comfort...but I also know that it's hard to accept if you always have the thought of leaving this world in the back of your mind...on one hand, it feels lonely to see other people having fun while being on your own...but on the other, you know you're free to go when you want to, because no one keeps you. That's how I feel, and that's also why I pushed the few people who cared away...not even that, I just ran away, switching my phone off and not answering mails, and then I felt like a jerk and was disappointed that no one wrote to me anymore...this way I lost the handful of people I could have called friends...and this isolation makes me feel so empty...it only strengthens the depression. It's a cycle and I don't know how to get out of it, so it's probably the best to take violets advice and try to hold on to what you can get, even if it seems hard in the beginning.
    I'm happy for you that you have friends who want to cheer you up and hug; that's an immensely valuable thing...maybe you should try to seize your chances.