I'm so depressed, always alone and I go everywhere alone. When a friend actually does contact me and actually wants to hang out with me- I always push them away. Like yesterday a guy friend of mine asked me how he could cheer me up- I said I don't know but thanks- then he said how about a big hug- I said a big hug would be nice but it's ok. When I'm out somewhere- I always envy people out with friends and people talking to people but yet when a friend or someone tries to talk to me- I always push them away but then sometimes feel bad about it later. I guess I do this because I know that they could be talking to someone who is far better then me and is worth while talking to. I guess I also do this/try to avoid human contact with everyone/anyone- as much as remotely possible because- I know it will then be that much easier for me to leave this world behind and to my grave.