I pushed my only friend away today

[Ulrike]

I posted about this on Reddit, but due to the way Reddit is, I decided to leave out any mention of how bad of a place I'm in right now.

Tonight, I got in a fight with the only friend I have. Now, I'm sitting here thinking about how she, and everyone else, would honestly be better off without me being alive anymore. I'm unstable, have little to no control over myself, and I'm selfish. All I think about is myself. I haven't wanted to be alive for a really long time, sticking around mostly for her and my family, but now, with the way everything is in the world, it's becoming more and more appealing to just check myself out instead of waiting until old age. I just want things to go back to normal, but they're never going to, and now, the only person that knows anything about what's happened in my life the last 5 years is gone.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this

All I think about is myself

That's definitely not true, because you are very clearly thinking about her now.

I just want things to go back to normal, but they're never going to, and now, the only person that knows anything about what's happened in my life the last 5 years is gone

Relationships get patched up all the time. Maybe things could work out.

Do you want to say more about what happened?

 

[blanking]

Wow a very similar thing happened to me recently. And it definitely doesn’t help at all with everything else. I am so sorry

 

[KindaOtiose]

Hi @Ulrike, I'm sorry you got into a fight with your friend. It sucks.

Do you think you can fix the relationship? If you give it a few days, giving them some space, and then try and reconcile, you'll probably be able to recover the friendship.

Now, I'm sitting here thinking about how she, and everyone else, would honestly be better off without me being alive anymore.

That's not true at all. Often, when we feel bad about ourselves, our brains can jump to the worst possible conclusions about ourselves when we make a mistake. I know I experience this. And, of course, your friend would still miss you if you died, even if you have had a fight.

Hang in there. Sending hugs .