Like my title says... I've been down this path too many damn times to remember.. I've bottled it up in hopes that I can live with it buried and never travel here again. My platinumscars are here, and despite my namechange, and my sig, I still feel like I have failed myself, you all, and mostly... the ones whom I love. It's easy to rise above the cutting and the bruising, and the burning, and the self torture. It's physically easy... I won't say a single word about how brutal it is mentally, and emotionally, to fight day in and night out with the thought that one day, just ONE day, will change where you decide to be... It takes 3 words to take a good life and put it in hell. I MESSED UP. Those are my 3 words. I am suicidal, yes. That is a common fact upon every person who has ever done exactly what I did when I joined nearly 2 years ago. I googled Suicide Method. I'm here because my body forced me to take this shot and say, well hey! These people are going through shit too! I'm going to see if they can help.... I lost that battle tonight. I'll be on the site and in chat all night. This may or may not be my last one. If so, I'll take this time to say I'm sorry to those I leave behind. I'm sorry I hurt you, and left you without explaining myself. I'm sorry for leading you along like I was someone who overcame, and wanted to be an inspiration to ANYONE. I'm not any kind of inspiration. I'm a failure. To you, to me, to everyone who planned on trusting me. I'm not worth the dedication that I gave each and every one of you. I formed friendships with people who will forget who I was in 3 to 4 months. I might make papers, but ink fades fast. I don't write wills. That's unnecessary in life. Who cares who you WANT to have whatever you want them to have? You didn't choose how, when or who gave it to you yourself, so you shouldn't just pass items along if the items meant something to you. It just means you are giving a piece of your life to someone who doesn't deserve to have what you spent money or anything upon. So with that, I say this... I want just one good writer to complete "Infinity is Zero". That's all I want. If I don't finish tonight, I pray someone will take up my failure. Again... I'll be here on the forum and in chat all night. God be with me as I fight this fight. I need my friends here with me, just as I have been with them.