About a month ago, I just stopped going to work. I ignored all messages and calls from my boss and coworkers. I don't have any reason, any incentive to keep going. I don't have any incentive to look for a new one, either. There's a black pit, in my mind. An empty hole when I consider the future. I cannot force myself to care, and if I don't care, why would I bother holding a job? I used to attend virtual therapy sessions. I told the therapist I was going to switch to seeing a different doctor. I lied. I just don't want to talk to him. It's not helping. I was prescribed medication. It hasn't helped either, so I stopped taking it. There's a pressure behind my nose, pushing up on my brain. I don't care enough to worry about it. My blood feels like curdled milk in my veins. There's been an increase in deviant thoughts, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, and so on. I can almost hear my thoughts audibly. I see shadows out of the corners of my eye that vanish when I look at them. And it doesn't matter. I don't care. I type this in a brief moment of lucidity. I'm frequently told that the things I say and the things I type make no sense, that I'm making up words and saying gibberish, but it's all crystal clear. Sometimes my thoughts interrupt my speech, or interrupt other thoughts, and I'll start a sentence on one subject and finish on an unrelated one. There's this constant, low level mental pressure at all times, even while I'm asleep, I'm aware of it. I can feel the normal passage of time while I sleep. For a while I thought I wasn't sleeping, but I am. I'm just aware of the complete movement of time as I sleep. It feels like it's been years but it's been weeks. Time stretched like liquid glass, spun on an iron rod. When I speak out loud, on few occasions, I can't recognize my own voice. This is all so tiresome.