I ready for you Reaper

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Illusion, Dec 18, 2010.

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  1. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    These past few months have taught me a lot about myself. I've been constantly told I'm spoiled, ungrateful, fat, ugly, unloved, mean, etc. Everyone tells me I can change though, but whats weird is, I'm not willing to change. I'm not motivated enough to go through years of change. I feel it wouldn't be worth it, therefore I just don't want to change. I don't want help. I just want this to end. I'm tired of looking at my face with 10 bumps on it and black rings under my eyes in the mirror. Nothing is really wrong with my life, its all me. I'm killing myself. I don't do shit to be depressed. It just happens. I'm made fun of and called names but thats just me being vulnerable and tired of fighting. I constantly compare myself to everyone. I'm also getting tired of taking a ton of names lately for admitting that a baby being brought into the world doesn't raise my happiness at all. People are right, all I think for is myself. I have no consideration for my family I guess. All this stuff I've done for my family these past few months just isn't enough. I think death is a good option for me since I've never been happy with myself and that I'm not willing to change or get help cause I don't really want it anymore. I just want death. I wanna be in the arms of the Grim Reaper his self so I don't have to be in this game no more. If only it wasn't so painful to die and if only I didn't have so long to go until I naturally die. I really am ready for you Grim Reaper. Take me away from this miserable game I have no interest in playing anymore. Visit me tonight if you may and just take me away.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This is so sad...are you not willing to change or is it that you are depressed and cannot find a way to change...many of us when we are depressed, feel like it is our fault...it is not your fault...you are in pain and it is very difficult to keep going when you feel this way...please share with us and let us know what is going on...many of us truly understand...big hugs, J
     
  3. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    I know how I can change, I'm just not willing to. I want death more than change.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Then why not try change? It is very difficult, I know, I have spent many years working on it myself...thanks for sharing...J
     
  5. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    I don't want to try it. I don't wanna put forward more misery just for possible results I may still not be happy with.
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Life is taking risks...and weighing the benefits...if you feel you can change, and you know yourself best, than there might not be the risk of failing...J
     
  7. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    I don't know myself at all. Thats why I considered death an option. Since I was little, I've felt that death is more comforting to me than life. All this "making goals and achieving stuff" that makes up life doesn't suite me.
     
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I thought you said you could change...that is knowing yourself...I think it takes work to know one's self...and making goals does not have to be overwhelming...they can be small and manageable goals...the more you accomplish them, the better you get at making them...big hugs, J
     
  9. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Hmmm.. true. The changes include stuff like "lose weight, work more, get into activities, etc". With all honesty though, I'm just to lazy to do any of that stuff. I don't think I really wanna do any of that stuff anyways..
     
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