I realize I really do hate life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marillion43, May 12, 2013.

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  1. Marillion43

    Marillion43 Member

    Life has become painful and a joke. I honestly have no idea why I was put here, I really do not mean squat to anyone other than they just like to know I'm around. I have nothing, lost, hopeless, tired, angry, sad and hurt everyday. I have no idea where I am...I am in complete limbo. I have nothing, not even a home. It doesn't even matter getting into what is wrong...I can't seem to fix this at all.....it can' get fixed and I have no way of having fixed. Im pissed because this wan't my fault......I'm sick of selfishness, I'm sick of being talked to like a piece of crap. I'm afraid to even be around people now.....I for a brief few years in my life had everything, I had freinds, family, a home and most of all during that time I had pride. I had happy moments...I felt good. I lately have had dreams in the night that I was happy, that I had a legimitimate smile with joy.

    I will never get that back.....instead I have a heavy chest, uncomfortable with myself, I havent a ny freinds and I literally have no family, not even an extended one.....I for real, legitimately don't belong anywhere because there is nothing and nowhere for me to go or be happy....

    I feel my end...I feel it coming and have for a couple of years....I don't want this anymore, I don't want people to ask how my life is, I stand in a crowd of people who have stability, love and happiness, even if they have it for that one minute or hour, just legitimate happiness. I don't want to feel this anymore....I'm tired of my life being where I get to bounce here and there for my presence, or assistance for someone else's benefit and my kids to see me here and there and now older less and less....that isn't fair for me.........it doesn't get better it keeps getting deeper and worse....and I can not do this anymore, especially if the pain is to get worse, then I can't live, I won't.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry hun you are in such a dark place Do you have professional help when we are in the darkness everything seems so unfixable. With support you can have happiness again you can
    Please reach out ok to your doctor to a crisis line to hospital and get some support to help get you on a different path. Depression sucks it does and it is too hard to fight alone
    reach out and get the support YOU deserve ok hugs
     
  3. sandyshores

    sandyshores Member

    I feel and understand your pain, its painful to see when no one cares. I hope you find peace, Im still waiting on my light in the tunnel.
     
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