I Realize Now That I Must Go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ShalenaM, Dec 2, 2007.

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  1. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH PAIN FROM A MAN THAT JUST WONT LOVE ME BAK NO MATTER WHAT I TRY TO DO.

    SO.THE ONLY WAY TO ESCAPE THE PAIN AND ANGER IS TO KILL MYSELF.:huh:

    NO ONE WOULD CARE LIKE I SAID. MY DAD DOESN'T. HE WILL STILL BE GETTING MY INSURANCE MONEY

    PPL TELL ME IM 17 AND HAVE A WHOLE LIFE A HEAD OF ME, BUT I DON'T WANT A WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF ME WITHOUT HIM IN IT.

    IF HE DOESN'T LOVE ME, THEN HE WANTS ME TO DIE.

    THATS THE WAY I SEE IT.

    I MUST DIE. I WILL DIE. I WILL DIE. I WILL KILL MYSELF.

    AS SOON AS I STOP POSTING HERE, THAS A NIGHT WHEN I AM ATTEMPTING BECAUSE WHEN I AM GOING TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE I NEVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT THAT SAME NIGHT.

    I NEED TO DIE. I HAD ALL THE ADULTS EXPLAIN TO ME ABOUT OUR AGE DIFFERENCE AN YAHDI YAHDI YAHDI, ONLY MAKES ME FEEL WORSE. YOU ONLY MAKE ME WANNA KILL MYSELF EVEN MORE.

    I KNOW IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, BUT PEOPLE DON'T HAVE REMIND ME OF IT ON TOP OF ME NOWING MYSELF!

    EVERYONE COMES DOWN ON ME COS IM 17, AND THEY ALL TELL ME THE SAME THING. THAT IM LOOKIN OR A FATHER FIGURE. NOPE. N IM NOT. FUCK THOSE PEOPLE, THEY DON'T KNOW. I LOVE THIS MAN. I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM UNTIL DEATH DOES IT PART. DEATH WILL DO IT PART. MY DEAD BODY WILL STILL LOVE HIM

    AND IF GHOSTS ARE REAL, MY GHOST WILL HAUNT HIM.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2007
  2. Up&down

    Up&down Well-Known Member

    Hi,
    Sorry you feel like this.
    It's called broken heart it will happen to you again and I'm sure you will break a few hearts along the way.
    Leave the guy go, honestly there will 2 things happening here
    .1. He will be enjoying watching try your best just so he can blow you out again, not nice but it happens.
    2.Unwanted attention when we are desparate we give off bads signs and he may not want to know.

    It's hard hun but you are 17 let him go, you will find someone else, get another interest meet new people.
    If you hurt yourself over him it would make him and any other lad think twice before comming near you, no guy or girl is worth it.

    Take care of you this will make you stronger more confident person, it is a part of growing up and a huge learning curve.

    You say your Dad would get the insurance money, NO HE WOULDN'T they don't pay out on suicide, this would kill your dad to and seriously hurt any one who has been close or has known you.

    Please, please get all the bad thoughts out of your head, we have all been there, learn from it move on, I know it seems imposible to you now but YOU CAN DO IT.
    The pain don't go away over night but it does go away, you will find someone else.
    Just hun do what is best for you and your family, life is worth living and you can have one fantastic life in front of you.
    Keep posting ,seek help, STAY SAFE
    Danny.
     
  3. __Rawr.Tigga

    __Rawr.Tigga Well-Known Member

    Hey hun. Try to hold on yeh? When me and my boyfriend split, it seriously killed me. For weeks/months after all I could think of was him, and why he didn't love me. I had to see hgim everyday at school. Happy. Smiling. Whilst inside I was dying. I spent days just siutting and staring into space. Thinking how to do it. Why. No-one showed care. Only one. And now even they are gone from my life.

    I know what it is to love someone, and not be loved back. That is how it is at this exact moment in my life. I know I will never find another Shane. But I still go on. Don't take your life over him. Stay strong. You can get through. It takes time but you can.

    This sin't coming from someone older than you, saying you have a whole life ahead of you. I'm 17. Please hun, just keep fighting the urge, clear your head.

    Always here if you need to chat ok?

    Take care and keep strong,
    Tigga
    x
     
  4. aqaq22

    aqaq22 Well-Known Member

    Hey Shalena no one knows what the future holds I don't mean that as is commonly used. like "don't do it because no one knows what the future may hold, and it will get better!!!''..ladelade lade da blah blah..You know what I mean...I don't mean it that wasy..

    I mean, really, none of us knows anything about the future, except that we're all going to probably die someday. short of that, it's hard for me to know what my, yours, or anyone else's holds. I'm not saying that to say it will be a good future. that's what i'm trying to stay. It may not be good. no one CAN know for sure.

    What I know is, that, it's a crap shoot. and in craps, the odds are you will lose over the long run. but, life's crap shoot is not "stacked against you" like in craps.
    Does that make sense? It's even odds. (But, in your situation, it's not. The ODDS SAY you will love again, and they say that with extremely convincing numbers.

    I am older, so make of this what you will. Life's a game of chance, odds, if you will. no one knows...but, and I'm talking in general terms, in what I've witnessed during MY life is that, the ODDS are you will UTIMATELY find another man who loves you. I swear on my father's grave I am not saying this to make you feel better. I swear. I am not Shelena. What I am TRYING to do is to say what I see as the REALITY of your chances. love will happen again, based on ALMOST guaranteed ODDS. Odds are GREAT it will happen. Overwhelming, to be honest with you.

    The ODDS are you will find another man. Will he be like this man? The odds of that happening are zero, I'm afraid, because, obviously, no two human beings are identical. So no, he won't be like him. But, instead of it being like it is with him, it will be DIFFERENT with someone else. But, that it being different, you will love that difference too. We all love different ppl for different reasons, because we have to, because we are different ppl. But, CHANCES are on Shalena's side. Because of you age, the CHANCES of your getting a fatal disease are pretty slim, compared than say w/ me, based solely on ages. And, based on age, the chances are almost overwhelming that you will find love again. In fact, I can almost guarantee it Shalena. If you want to kill yourself over this guy, well, that's something that's hard for any of us to utimately prevent you from doing. But, if you're going to kill your self because you don't believe love is in your future, You are just fooling yourself. IMO. Because it is.

    If it were possible, I'd bet a lot of money on the fact that there is someone else in your future that you will be very happy with, just as with this man. Only, it will be different, that does not mean worse. but different. (and probably even better, but we'll not try and go there just now). and you will be happy there too, just like you are happy if this man loved you.

    Does this make any sense at all Shalena? I'm a business man. I take risks with money to make a living. And, betting on you finding another man is a risk I would love to be able to bet a whole lot of money on if I could. I WISH I could. That's how confidant I am in my chances of your finding another person to love. I would feel like I"ve won the lottery if I could bet on you finding happiness again. I am so sorry for you for this pain you now feel though.

    I'm sorry if this sounds like some sort of "you have your whole life ahead..." blah blah blah. I'm just talking reality here. And The chance of you NOT finding love again are very slim indeed. rest assured of that. Like I said, for me anyway, it's money in the bank.

    fwiw...I lost my wife of 15 years, just over a year ago. I'm a hermit by nature. Agoraphobia. So, I've felt what you now feel. The odds of your finding someone beats the hell out of mine by a long shot dear!!! LoL I do not hurt for my beloved as I did a year ago. (As a matter of fact, she run off with another man, and THAT has helped me NOW to NOT WANT HER BACK, EVER!!) LOL But, when it happened? I wanted to die too, just because I couldn't see how the pain of living without her was worth living through. It would never end. I knew that, or so I thought I knew.

    I have to go to my sister's bday party today. I will be thinking about this thread, and I will be thinking about you too.

    Nice avatar, btw. I'll try to remember that myself.

    god bless you so much, (and I ain't no saint!!!LOL) Good luck dear. (post when ya can)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2007
  5. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    You will hurt your family or loved ones believe me. There are a lot of people who don't even know you much in reality[ like the ones here] who will be hurt as well. You're only thinking about what your life is like now but they may see a future for you and if you throw that away you will hurt them . My philosophy is that we are going to die anyway. Killing yourself would only speed that up. So why bother. Deal with the pain and fight your way out of it. Even a sucky life is still existence. Death could be nothingness. Some bad people who troubled you will have a grin on their face when you die thinking that they won. Again, no matter how bad it gets, one thing for certain in this world is that you will die one day. You're problem will end then. If you keep working on a solution, at least you'll die trying. And some times the problem isn't that bad as our mind can make mountains out of moles. Its all in the mind, how you perceive things. You are really too young and if you hang in there then Im sure the problem will look minuscule 3-4 years from now...
     
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