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I realized something last night...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bereft9, Sep 15, 2016.

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  1. bereft9

    bereft9 Well-Known Member

    All my life, or at least since age 13, I've seen suicide as the ultimate right act, the thing I most need to do because I'm defective. Last night I realized something: when a person is depressed or thinks a certain way, they see suicide as the solution. If they were focused on physical health, they might see working out as the solution. Suicide only SEEMS like the right solution for a person whose thinking is distorted by depression, self-hatred, etc. When I am in the midst of depressive thoughts, those thoughts tell me suicide is the answer. There is NO WAY I can logically know if suicide will indeed give me the relief I seek or the punishment I deserve. Right? No one knows what happens at death, so how can I be so certain suicide is the answer? I can't be! My faulty thinking is simply telling me that it is the answer. In reality, death from suicide may result in a number of different things, and they may not be an improvement. We just don't know. Depressive thoughts produce suicide as a solution. We are better off trying to deal with the depressive thoughts; when they are gone, they no longer produce a suicide solution.
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I agree. For me, the pain was just so intense that the only relief I could imagine was an end to it all because nothing else was helping. Therapy, medication, self-help, taking care of myself...nothing worked to ease the suffering. It's that extreme, and yes very distorted. I can say this in hindsight, but I'm so glad I didn't succeed those years ago. It took a long time for me to get where I am but at least in my case, there is MUCH to live for and I found a way to be happy in my life, even living an unconventional life without friends, family or a desire to be around society. My life is not what I thought it would be at all, but I like who I am now and how I've survived. When I hear of people taking their lives, my heart breaks because it's such a last resort to terrible suffering for many when something good is really just around the corner or at least somewhere in the near future.
  3. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    I completely agree with your logic. In 2007 while working with my therapist had me read "feeling good" by David burns md. I learned to analyze negative thoughts in my head and not accept it as fact. Don't need anyone's affirmation for my well being. It works, of course not overnight.

    Depression seems to make the easiest task insurmountable in my case on my case.

    I hope I don't come off as a salesperson angering people in this forum. It's just when no else cared for me, my therapist took care of my well being. 5 months of weekly sessions.
  4. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    I had a relapse within the last month.
  5. bereft9

    bereft9 Well-Known Member

    I hope you are coming out of the relapse.
  6. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I agree so much about what you are saying, bereft, and that depression does lead to distorted thinking which cannot be trusted particularly when it comes to life and death. I guess one of my fears about committing suicide is the unknown. But I do know that suicide is final, and there is no recovering your life when the act has been accomplished. I have come such a long way and I'm learning so much. I am trusting myself more and finally learning to take full control over my life, utilize my own freedom, and the personal power to change things, without waiting for approval or acceptance. Suicide isn't ever the answer, because you can never feel anything good after it. And suicide is a desperate attempt merely to escape feeling 'bad'..it's sad alot of people, young especially, go down this route, it just makes it known how delicate our lives are and how powerful we are, just look at my quote below. I think we're very strong people when we don't use our power to destroy ourselves, especially in a world that tends to test your will power on occassion or more than that...in my case, alot of traumatic, and very bad experiences have made me want to 'disown' my whole life, but I am taking the good with the bad now, and starting to give the bad less power. That's all I can do. I am here to stay until it's my personal time to go, and I will leave that up to another source other than myself. I deserve better than to commit that act, I've already survived so much..=/
    bereft9 and Frances M like this.
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