Hi I really don't know where to begin. I'm so depressed and fed up with life. I'm at the point now where I'm sat day dreaming of <mod edit - methods> I know in time I will do it I cant stop fighting the thoughts. I,ve had them for so long now. I'm 42 years old. Never really paid attention in school my spelling and everything you should learn is school is beyond a joke. I'm very shy and don't like groups of people. I have no job and when I went to an interview the other day I failed so bad because it was a group interview with 8 other people. I was asked questions and there was too many people for my liking and so the words never kept coming out right. I lost my dad 3 years ago (which to this day effects me so bad) I lost my brother 1 year ago (which people think it effects me it does,nt. as bad as that sounds he always put me down and would always belittle me) Then for the last 8months my family has had a solictors battle with my brothers son as he never left a will. Which will all be sorted next week. And now to top it all off and I think the end of me, is my daughter has split from her boyfriend 4 months before we all was going on holiday. they keep breaking up and getting back together. but thats it this time for good. I cant handle this anymore and I know its only a matter of time before I end my life I cry so much I'm so fed up and keep asking god to take me. I just cant shake these feelings nothing I do stops them. I hate myself and I only posion everything I touch or gets near me. I need to end it all so others don't suffer I'm so sorry you have to read this I'm wasting your time.