I really could use some support- my puppy just died among other things...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by serena, Jan 7, 2010.

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  1. serena

    serena Well-Known Member

    :sad: I really could use some advice. Thanks to anyone who took the time to view this.

    I'm 18 years old and I have been suffering from severe depression and generalized anxiety disorder for a number of years. Around Thanksgiving, everything began to worsen with no direct cause. During the Summer of 2008, I was treated at a residential hospital (unlocked unit, more freedom, etc.) for 4 weeks, discharged, and 2 weeks later I was stepped up into an impatient unit for suicide intent. After that I returned to the residential place for another 3 weeks then finally came home. Since that Summer, I have been taking Lamictal to help stabilize my moods. I have not responded well to SSRIs or SSNRIs. (I've tried Prozac twice, Celexa, Seroquel, Lamictal, and Cymbalta.)

    Because things haven't been going well, there has been a lot of talk about me being admitted to another hospital for a little while and although I know it sucks, I am not completely opposed to it because I feel horrible and just want to get better. I'm on a waiting list so now I just have to get through the next few days on my own but I don't know if I can do it. I've been experiencing Psychomotor agitation and I think I've had my first panic attacks in the past couple of weeks.

    Tonight things got even worse when my 1-and-a-1/2 year old dog died suddenly. He was playing outside with my dad and then just collapsed and stopped breathing. I didn't have the greatest relationship with him but I'm really hurting. I'm feeling very suicidal now because my dad is crying and I'm not emotionally able to cope with my parents being upset. I know this is ridiculous, but I feel like this is my fault. I sort of believe in fate, and my dad freaked and broke down screaming right away. Considering he is a police officer and I have 3 little brothers, his reaction had a very negative impact. AHHHH! Just thinking about this whole situation killing me.

    Well, if you actually read through this whole post, I am so appreciative. Does anyone have any ideas to cope with this in the mean time? I am blasting music in attempt to block out my dad's crying, I've played a few computer games, and writing this but I'm not sure what to do next.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry that everything isfalling apart around you. And yeah it is really unnerving hearing a parent cry. Keep posting here. Let everything that you can out. It does help.

    You could also try calling a crisis line. It's sometimes comforting to know a real person is on the other end. They can understand and help you too.

    Distracting yourself is very good. Keep the music going but keep it something lively, upbeat ok? There is an arcade here. Or go to the coffee house there is always something silly there to distract yourself with.

    If you're at all up to it, maybe go and offer your dad some support. Sometimes when people grieve together it helps to get things out. You grieving how your feeling right now and him grieving the loss. It amazing what a good cry can do for us sometimes.

    I hope that you get the help you need. I know the hospital isnt the best of places but it certainly isnt the worst either. And it sounds like you do get some help being there.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think it is good your dad can cry it shows you he is human I know it is upsetting as he is the strong one but it is okay to release your pain I hope things calm down a bit so you can relax and maybe just give him a hug no need for words. I hope you do go to hospital if you feel safe there it is a good place with kind people. take care keep posting okay.
  4. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug: so sorry to hear your having such a bad time right now, a sudden death can be really hard to deal with, as as the dog was so young, maybe your dad is in shock at the momment and that is the reason for his sudden crying, i too can not be around my mom when she is crying, i just find it too difficult to cope with, your doing such a good thing with trying to keep your self distracted, you could try playing some of the games on here, or maybe start a diary on here where u can jsut write how you are feeling, keep posting, were all listening :hug:
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey just stopping by to see how you are doing. I really feel for your situation and am so sorry to hear about the loss of your puppy I really am. Please continue to post and get all that crap out of your head and allow us to help you...we are here to support you ya know so use us.

    Take care, Bambi
  6. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    So sorry about the loss of the puppy.
    Its good to know when you feel like this you are willing to go back to the hospital. Way to go!
    When I am feeling bad I write...and write more.
  7. serena

    serena Well-Known Member

    thank you everyone. aside from a few childish tantrums and a very mild anxiety attack (just dizzy, loss of balance, out of breath, and headache because I quickly got out of the situation,) I had a pretty content day. I hope everyone else is doing well.
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